Writing and God and Peanut Butter Sandwiches

Summer has been full of trips and family for the first part of June, and then it went full swing into summer-job-mode. I'm nannying this summer, which means my days are full of pool time, tennis lessons, and summer tutoring. Not to mention all of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich making, sock matching, and fort building.

It's sort of funny to me that most all of my life's earnings have centered around helping parents raise their children. From nannying through the summers, to babysitting in college, to teaching primary-aged kids for the past three years, I spend most of my time with little people. I wouldn't have predicted this for myself, though. I have friends for whom this kind of path would make sense. You know those girls? The ones that swoon and put out their hands the second a baby enters the room? Yeah, not me. Or at least it used to not be me. I still have anxiety about holding teeny tiny babies and am convinced they're allergic to me, but I am so fascinated with the people God made around me. When you love people, you can't help but absolutely love kids. I love that kids can handle so much responsibility, are so capable of deep thoughts and understandings, and that kids remind me to put my whole heart into everything I do. They are such whole-hearted people (thanks, Brene Brown, for your phrase!) and I learn so much from that mindset of living every day. Teaching has given me such a respect for the field of education, and nannying has given me such a respect for stay-at-home-moms. Heck, for moms of any variety. You people are amazing!

Even with all of the learning experiences and work opportunities, I'm finding that this summer has been a little bit more hectic than I thought it would be. My head starts to absolutely spin when I think of the prospect of teaching next year: it will be my fourth classroom in four years, and my third school in four years. I'm really thankful for the open doors, but also exhausted with the changes. I know it takes over 40 hours of logged time in my classroom for me to set it up, and I'm looking ahead on the calendar with disbelief at when that is going to happen.


Yesterday I had about seventeen different tabs open, all looking at possible classroom layouts, unit plans, teaching blogs, Teachers Pay Teachers (bless it!), and Pinterest. It got to the point where I started to whimper out loud in an actual panicked whine. I had to stop. So I shut my computer and walked away for 24 hours. And here I am again. A little less scatter brained. As I type Brian is YouTubing funny Domingo Ayala baseball videos, so I suppose that's a little distracting, but that's nothing compared to the beginning-of-school-year-anxiety that was hitting me last night. But that's cleared now, and here I am. At this page.

I love this blog, simply because it's mine. I'm pretty sure my mom is its most faithful follower (hey Mom!) followed with my Auntie Lee as a close second (hey there!), but it's not making me any money, sponsorship deals, or popularity in any way. I love it because it's a space for me to speak, to practice this thing I love so much called writing, and it just never goes away. I love that this blog is here whether I update it once a week, once a month, or once a day. Sometimes, though, when I let it go for a few days or weeks without coming here, I get itchy. Do you have that too? Do you have that thing that you know takes effort but is really good for you? Something that, neglected for a few days, starts to make you itch? Writing is that for me. Running, to a lesser extent, is that for me too, but writing is my thing.

Ever since I was a Christian (we're talking from about age 10 or so) I would journal down my thoughts about God every few days. As I grew up, and wanted to appear to be a stronger Christian to myself (ha!), I would set these rules for myself to write in my journal daily. Every day.  It began really well, and then it turned into a weird self-imposed legalism where I would lose every time. I would put the date at the top of each entry, which only compounded my guilt, since each time I opened up the journal I would face the affront of the previous entry's date. Each new entry's writing started something like this: "Oh my goodness. It's been 3 whole days since I've written or thought about you, God. I'm so ashamed." Shame and guilt as you begin your talk with Jesus? Hmmm. Not the best.

Then, my mentor at church told me to stop writing the date at the top. She said that God was less concerned with the regularity of entries and more concerned with my heart. Was I involving Him in my daily life? God just wants to be made known to me, that's all, and so you know what? I took a break from journaling altogether. It's been about 5 months and I think it's been really good for me. No more fake laws to break, and no more fake laws to grit my teeth trying to uphold so that I could feel good about myself. Just one more way that I try to earn my own ticket, to believe the lie that I'm pulling my own weight on this ride. Silly me :)

After these past months, I think I'm ready to start writing about God again. I think I'll mostly do so in my journal as usual, and maybe sometimes I'll transfer those thoughts to this space here so my mom and great aunt can read them (or maybe a few other people too!). I process best through writing things down; words are the way I forage through this world. Words are why I'm an immediate over-sharer, why I have a steady book addiction growing on my nightstand this summer, and why the best thing Brian has ever given me was a handwritten note on yellow legal paper on the morning of our wedding day. I think words are how God relates to the world (Jesus is, in fact, The Word incarnate), how he created the world, and how He speaks to me. I've heard His words lately, in the middle of my spinning brain about things going on, things to come, and the anticipation (always) of what's next.

In the middle of this hectic summer, I really have felt that pull to get back to my words and my God. I've been reading a lot about the other ways people connect, guilt-free (that's key), to their faith lately and it makes me stand in awe at all the ways we grow and learn with this sovereign, compassionate God. Nannying this summer has allowed my brain a change of pace, so that in between the pool and the peanut butter sandwiches I've started to feel that itch again, so I'm back here again at this place. The more I write, the more I want to write. It feels good. I hope you find your place this summer too.

The Dirty Laundry

I've been reading, hearing, and thinking a lot lately about the conundrum we all have in 2013 and the social reality in which we live with one another. I've heard a sermon on it at church, read a few blog posts, saw a status or two, and had a few conversations with friends all about this issue. The issue of our dichotomy as young people with iPhones, iPads, and instagrams. The dichotomy between life as it actually is and life as you present it. Your life as it is neatly displayed on your Facebook facade or your life as it is in the nitty gritty.

I've had feelings that go both ways. I've sat there and rolled my eyes at the girls who put on makeup and tease their hair into a styled ponytail to work out so that their fitness blogs are cutely adorned with their hawt workout pics. Yes, I just wrote "hawt." Just admit that you eat a heaping bowl of ice cream sometimes just to make me feel better about myself! I've also thought to myself: dang. You go girl. You work out in 3 inches of makeup and fake lashes. You do that. Power to you because Lord knows I wouldn't ever put that much effort into working up a sweat. Work that updo.

And being in your 20's poses this challenge in a particularly difficult way. This is the decade of life stages coming through in rapid succession. College life, graduation, working world, independent living, engagements, marriages, kids, moves, trips, vacations, and more all start to pop up on our feeds every time we flip our thumb to scroll to the next screen. With all the happiness, success, cuteness, and beautiful things that people are doing and seeing, you can kind of feel like you're not quite making the cut. Or even worse, you start to harbor a sense of envy and disdain for anyone who seems to have a Pinterest-perfect little life. You might start to think: Why is she always so stylish? I could never afford those clothes. Or..Why are their kids always so cute and well-behaved? Mine are terrors most of the time. Or...Look where they got to go on vacation. I can't remember the last time I was on a beach. Those thoughts start to get dangerous. I have them from time to time, and it does absolutely nothing to harm the target in my head. The only person whom it damages is me. Getting caught up in the competition is just not worth it. I suppose I really am real-life-Anna when I'm writing on my blog, but there are definitely bad days (this Monday, ahem...) that I choose not to share and relive every time I scroll through my old posts. And that's okay.

I bet that even the fake-lash-cake-make-up-workout-girl wakes up on a Monday morning with a zit on her forehead. Or gets heartburn. Or forgets to shave her legs. Do you really want her, in the name of being honest, to blog about that stuff? Maybe, but I say let her be good at what she is good at and share it with people who want to read it. 

Or how about those parents who inundate your facebook feed with pictures of their cute and perfect little angels? Do you really want to read a status a day complaining about no sleep, no spare time, funds getting tighter, and bratty screaming tantrums, just for the sake of transparency? Maybe, but I think we can just let them have their moment of cuteness in the midst of their chaos. 

Do you really want, in a sense of an egalitarian social media society, everyone to just air their dirty laundry out in public? Just to even the field? Just to prove that we all have parts of our lives that suck? Mmmmm, maybe not.

So what then, run away from it all and delete all of our accounts and adopt amishdom? Some of you brave cooler-than-me hipsters can do this, but I love the connectedness and joy that all of these good social media things bring. So only one option is left. I think the best thing you can do is to give thanks for everything. Be grateful that there are interesting, beautiful, and talented people in this world doing exciting, funny, and meaningful things with their lives, who, of all things that they could do with these wonderful things, want to SHARE it with YOU!

So go like that picture. Go favorite that tweet. Heck, go nuts and reblog a post you like. Share the encouragement, the beauty, the inspiration, the ingenuity, and the intelligence. Be happy for the cute kids, the hip lattes in local coffee shops, the intense fitness routines, the beautiful weddings, the huge engagement rings, and the cool apartments. Let people sort through their own dirty laundry themselves and just be thankful that there is a God who gives good things that people want to share. We all know that there is no such thing as a perfect life, so just be happy when there are parts of it that are wonderful and good and beautiful and pleasant. There is a God who brings us all of these things and is now bringing us together because of them.

So go scroll that newsfeed. And be thankful.

Links I Love

There's a blogger out there who is posing a challenge to other bloggers to post something every day in May along with a daily prompt to answer in each post. I'm definitely not going to post every day but I do find some of her prompts intriguing. The one for today is about sharing a blog that you love to read.

I'm going to go ahead and share more than one because I, if I'm being honest, read far more than just one regularly. So I'm going to go ahead and share five. (These don't include my daily dose of Kendi because hers is basically just a documentation of her daily outfit, which is wonderful, but I'm posting these links to appreciate those that actually write things from time to time instead of just posting beautiful pictures.) I love these blogs because they inspire me to be real, to be raw, and to be truthful when I write. To really dig deeper and get to the heart of things. I think becoming a better writer is also tied up in growing to become a better person. A more honest, aware, open, and reflective person. These girls do this on the regular and inspire me to do the same. You now know how nerdy I am with this internet machine on which I'm typing. Click around, read a few posts, and enjoy!

I feel this way exactly. 

1. The Wild and Wily Ways of a Brunette Bombshell. Okay. Although I wouldn't consider myself a "bombshell" per say, I am a brunette and feel that I share so so so many similarities to this blogger. Meg Fee is a girl in her twenties who moved to New York City about 8 years ago and writes about her struggles, friends, loves, and daily adventures. She is brutally honest. Sometimes so honest and raw about things that she goes through that I don't exhale the whole time I'm reading a post because my eyes are so glued to her emotions on the screen. I love that she is living an interesting life that she loves amidst really hard things and still comes out hopeful. She resonates so much with the reality I'm living out here in Chicago. I discovered her blog about a month ago and have visited it daily since then. The link will bring you to a page where she chose her favorite posts, so it will give you a good idea of her writing style and the aforementioned brutal honesty that makes her posts pop.

2. Fairytales Are True. This is written by Sarah Tucker, a new mom and really cool wedding planner lady. Her site is great for a quick bright outlook on life in the morning as you eat breakfast. I hope I'm something like her in about ten years.

3. Delightfully Tacky. I love this quirky style blog (plus other topics from time to time). She writes from the Pacific Northwest and makes me immediately want to move to Seattle or Portland and ride my bike through the woods. She's got this awesome head of big curly hair and thinks of the most interesting ways to put an outfit together, definitely embracing the kitschy vintage aesthetic. Beyond the outfits, her writing is really good too. She's a great source for style and life inspiration.

4. Casey Leigh. A beautiful mom with a beautiful family with beautiful style who writes beautiful words and posts beautiful pictures. It's the best way I can describe it. Go check it out.

5. Tales of Me and the Husband. I know it seems weird that I follow these married people's blogs. It's really more that I connect to their personalities and willingness to be open and the difference in our life stages doesn't really matter much to me. This girl's name is Bridget, and she has an interesting story with her family. She married into a family who had lost their mother and wife about 3 years prior, and she became a stepmom and a new wife at a really young age to a guy who was probably about 20 years older than her. It sounds crazy, and it is, but she has some really interesting points of view and really cool perspectives. She is honest about growing up quickly and honest about everything else. It's refreshing. It's cool that she is unapologetic about choosing her life path, yet is also the first to admit that there are complications and bumps in the road along the way.

Am I the only one who reads blogs all the time? Which ones do you like to read?

I've Been Tilley Faced!

I'm not sure if Tilley Faced is actually a verb or not, but whatever it is, I am very excited about it!

I have this friend named David Tilley. DT for short. I met him as a freshman when he was a junior and would always admire his fantastic graphic design goodness plastered all over Trinity's campus. I also was on the improv team with him for awhile and could not even take his hilarity. The guy is super tall, has a distinctive head of hair, and drives around a moped scooter (at least he did in college...maybe he's more grown up these days...I'll have to ask).

He is also quite the creative, and has his own entrepreneurial things going on. One of them is his company called Tilley Face, which is essentially a face illustration company. Needless to say, I was tickled pink when he showed me my very own Tilley Face for my blog header and whatever else I would use it for. I gotta say, he's got me pegged, all the way down to the eyebrow piercing, awk smile, and freckles. What do you think of the resemblance? I'm having a small geeky party over here in my apartment for this big new thing for my blog. I suggest you throw yourself a small party and click on his company's name above to see more of his work. Chewy happens to be my fave.

Thanks, DT!

Nerd Alert

Ummm, I'm having a very geeky moment right now. I JUST WON A BLOGGER GIVEAWAY! It's a $50 gift card to a website full of cute clothes called Panache, and I'm really excited about it. Basically, I follow this adorable girl's fashion blog and she, from time to time, offers her readers giveaways. I entered this one and WON. She even wrote "Congratulations to Anna G!" right there on her blog so I'm considering this my gateway into blogosphere fame. Woot woot! I never win this kind of thing! And $50 is a lot of money to a girl like me who has no income this summer.

Aieee! Day=made. Nay, I'd say WEEK=MADE. 

So moral of this post is in two parts. FIRST: You should follow this blog and SECOND: take note how simply giving Anna fifty dollars is a great way to make her happy. Just saying. Throwing it out there. A thought to consider. Think about it. Call me maybe.

Rehab

Well I've admitted to a few obsessions before, but now I'm also realizing I have addictions. Things I can't stop even if I try. One problem I have is with orange tic tacs. I keep on popping those things. It's alarming. And noisy.

Another addiction I've had for awhile now is to these stupid little internet memes. They take one idea (I've labeled the pictures for their generic title) and run with it for lots of laughs. My roommate Lauren introduced me to the phenomenon last summer when she was scouring reddit.com on a daily, nay, hourly, basis. She always knows what's cool before I do. They are all over, and you have probably seen plenty of these yourself, but I have to share a few of my favorites. They're too good not to. Beware, enter a meme website at the risk of your to-do list. They aren't conducive to accomplishing things.

First World Problems. The hardships we Americans face daily.

Philosoraptor always ponders those great questions. 

Success kid gets those lucky breaks we all dream of.

Conspiracy Keanu blows my mind again. 

Caring Husky there to lend a paw.

Karate Kyle had some awkward phases in
middle school, but he is sure to get the last laugh.

So Original

I am pretty much a one-of-a-kind. I'm an English major senior girl who writes a blog and is now going to start using a cool camera to take pictures. Oh wait, there's eight thousand other girls who do the EXACT SAME THING. Do I care? NO. Let me introduce you to my new favorite thing: My Canon Rebel SLR!

His official glamour shot

I got my first official big-girl camera last month. I saved up money from nannying/babysitting and finally scraped enough together to make this dream a reality. I love when people can have vivid, beautiful pictures to commemorate life as it comes, and I'm really happy to have the chance for the same. I'm thinking my next camera-related purchase will be a simple tripod so I can use it in more situations, but for right now this is all I have and I'm excited to learn as I go. 

Besties

Now this thing is not souped up by any means - I could have spent twice and three (and four) times what I did - but for a beginner like me it is really cool to have. Its official name is the Canon EOS Rebel T3 12.2 MP CMOS Digital SLR with 18-55 mm IS II Lens and and EOS HD Movie Mode. 

I'm calling it Reb for short. 

To let you know how much I know about using this fine piece of equipment, I know that it is black and that it takes pictures. I haven't had time since I got him (yes, it's a him) in February to really sit down and start watching tutorials online until tonight. Reb is making his debut next week. Wanna know why?! We're going to Colorado for spring break! On a road trip! We leave Saturday night and are staying for a week in a house near Denver to ski (pray for me), explore the city, and see amazing mountains every day. I asked myself: Anna, when is there a better opportunity to get great pictures than when you are on a road trip to the mountains with your friends in your senior year of college? There is NO better time I tell you. So hopefully you will be seeing more and more of my work with this bad boy and tell the difference. Any input all you expert photographer/bloggers have to offer me will be happily received. I'll pay for lessons in friendship and delicious plates of chicken and rice. How could you refuse an offer like that?!

And no, I didn't think it was cool to be into photography before it was cool. And no, I don't think I'll ever measure up to you experts out there. I am a card-carrying bandwagon jumper of the SLR variety and proud of it! 

2011. Let's Wrap It Up.

Well 2011 was a huge year in my life. How'd it go for you? The biggest part, of course, was SPAIN and my life, friends, adopted family, travels, cafés, and adventures that existed in my beautiful city of Sevilla. (Yes, I'm still calling it my city. I refuse to let it go yet.) I spent my first summer out of Wisconsin, started my senior year, strengthened a few old friendships, and made some new ones. I got my first car, finished my last soccer season, and cut those blasted bangs back in my hair again. As I posted a few days ago, this blog has been one of my favorite developments of this year. I think this post was my favorite of the semester because of how honest it forced me to be. You can't lie to your blog, my friends. It's just not polite.

Another thing I've TRIED to do this year is step up my style just a tad. After a slight obsession with fashion bloggers, I decided that looking cute just makes life happier. It makes every day a little more of an event. So here are a few outfits from the end of 2011 that I've been saving up just for you.

Can't get enough of that orange cardigan this winter

Anna wore heels! Remember this day!

Frumpy-chic. Yes, I just coined that phrase
for my own purposes. Like for this outfit.  

My choir concert outfit. Wore it under a  choir robe.
I took a picture so SOMEONE could see it.

My favorite new shirt. American Eagle.
From Marshall's. 8 bucks.

Presh smile isn't it? British man outfit. 

I missed those high-waisted bell-bottoms!

Hoe-down anyone?

My Christmas Eve church outfit.
Skirt was $7.00 from H&M. A Christmas miracle!

And now, finally, because she is my style and life icon/inspiration, here is a little Zooey D to brighten up your New Year's Eve with her adorable self and beautiful voice. What are you doing for New Year's Eve? I'm going to party like it's 2011. Because it is.

My Blog's Birthday Bash

You're invited to a party. Kinda. You can consider this post the entertainment, go grab some chips for the refreshments and crank up some James Taylor for the musical ambience. Voila. You are now attending my blog's first birthday party.

Friends, a year ago today I started my blog with this post. Not anything too profound, just a "Welcome everyone, here is my blog," statement, but it still was a big day in my life.

This started originally under the title of A Broad Abroad (thanks to my creative brother Rudi) and was meant to document my semester in Sevilla, España for four months. Well, it did just that. And I have had a fabulous time looking back on those posts, pictures, videos, and memories of the best four months of my life. My favorite posts from that semester include how I was growing up, reminders of my Señora's cooking, figuring out the cultural differences, pictures of my friends, and my all-time favorite, my walk to school (this is the one I visit when I'm especially missing Spanish life). So many good things came out of that semester, but one of the least expected things was this blog. I figured, when I came back home, there was no need to write on it anymore. But I was wrong.

I found that, during the summer, I missed blogging immensely. I loved the feeling of writing my thoughts out in words, putting it out there to the universe, and somehow that helped people personally connect to situations, feelings, or life stages that I was experiencing at the same time. I love connecting to people in ways that I don't expect, and I love the courage it requires of me to "put it all out there." When I started up again with the beginning of the school year, I was so happy to be writing again.

Having said that, there can be some pitfalls with blogging. It is my personal life to some extent, so there is the danger of putting stuff out there that people don't like or don't want to read. Furthermore, since it is ME writing about MYSELF, blogging is by nature a self-centered activity. I think the best way to avoid getting caught up in that complex is to focus on how a blog can be used to get your point of view across in a way that is true to who you are, but not overbearing. This is better than serving up a hefty dose of ME to whoever will listen. Also, reading other people's blogs has helped me hone in my own voice.

While I absolutely love getting feedback, response, and connections through my blog, the number one reason I continue to write on this thing is this: I love it. Even if zero people read it, I would still write it. But I truly do love to do this, and I thank you for stopping by, offering your own thoughts, and considering mine.

As I start off year #2, I am so excited to see what happens, where I end up, and what I write. Let's make it a good one!

Amateur

Sometimes writing a blog makes you think you're all hip and trendy like the rest of the young, knowledgeable, professional world. First of all, I'm not a professional (yet), and second, I am not all that knowledgeable, hip, or trendy like I might think sometimes. On the last post alone, it took me eighty years (slight exaggeration) to get the collage of pictures together, spent more time than I'd like to admit on formatting issues that wouldn't seem to work out, and kept uploading the wrong pictures. Plus, my burgeoning inner fashion blogger is not as glamorous as she looks, because my self-timer pics leave a lot to be desired. Just check out the beauties I took last week - I didn't know I took them until I uploaded them from my camera:

...SO. 

I will learn to work at the self-timer pics. Especially since you will see many more outfits documented in October due to a little blogging challenge that my friend and I are taking up for one month. (If you are curious about the challenge, check it out here. More on that later) Until the day I'm a profesh blogger, you're just going to have to cut me some slack, Jack! Maybe when that day comes I'll stop using abbrevs in my writing too. 

Actually, I PROBS won't ever stop using those. Let's be real.