Notes of a TFA-er: You're Gonna Miss This

Yeah, I linked a sentimental country song to describe my feelings, okay? Yeah, SO?

I almost feel like I haven't been updating this week because each and every day since Sunday has brought so much along with it. I'm missing a lot of things...not in a way that I want to complain about it, but in a way that I want to talk about how much I love the things I'm missing (or will soon be missing). Here's a list of what's racing through the mind of a TFA-er at the end of Institute:

1. I miss my summer school kids. Honestly, I do. It's not that I haven't forgotten the cuss words, the weird smells, and the BADitudes that accompany 6th grade summer-schoolers at all. I remember those things very well along with the other stuff that drove me nuts. But I also remember the larger-than-life personalities, the original rap lyrics, the funny jokes, the brilliant thoughts in their responses and essays, and the trust and understanding built in such a short time.

I remember E, one of the kids who tried my patience the most, who wrote a letter to the class and teachers as a farewell message:

My favorite parts: 1) He made a special note in saying goodbye to the teachers to say "I'm going to miss you guys and you woman." 2) How E closed the note with: "Love you all, no homeo." Classic.

I remember a group of three awesome girls who performed their original "New Girl Swag" rap song that could rival a Nicki Minaj verse.

I remember J, a girl whose eyes lit up when I told her I lived in Spain for four months, and how she now plans to study abroad and study photography in Spain when she goes to college.

I remember two star soccer players, A and I, each morning bragging up the fact that they scored 2, 3, 4, and even 7 goals in their games the night before.

I remember during one of our opening morning sessions when we asked students to contribute positive thoughts, how P raised his hand, stood up by his desk, and resolutely yelled out, "I'm black, and I'm proud!" and sat back down. So awesome.

I remember T, one girl who is bent on attending University of Chicago. T also has some major behavior habits that got her a conference with me for the first two minutes of the lunch period almost every single day. I remember how I was amazed that this daily punishment actually turned out to be the thing that got us to be really close by the end of Summer School.

I remember H, one of my favorite boys, answering a question after reading a book about a woman who was a fishing boat captain when most every other captain was a man. I asked him why he thought this book was important, and he responded: "Some girls think that just because they're girls they can't do anything boys do. It's important because I think girls should believe in themselves to do anything they want to do." 

I mean, do you sees why he's one of my favorites (okay I know you're not supposed to have favorites but whatever)? Life in Room 309 was full of moments like these.

2. I miss my Trinity friends. It's weird that I'm going along through this intense process without my Trolls. I feel like although I'm only 30-45 minutes from most of them, I've been secretly living a life 10,000 miles away.  I miss waking up in a house of my best friends and never having to walk to dinner by myself like I do here. I miss knowing the exact daily schedule of my friends: when they are free from classes or when we can coordinate trips to Target and the mall together. I miss hanging out at the houses on the weekend nights. I miss knowing how all of their days have gone and whether they are having a good week or not. I sometimes miss being around people who think about the world in the same way I do. I actually enjoy being in the minority here at TFA in my religious and political views, but it definitely also can be tiring to remember where I really stand. The newness and independence of this awesome adventure is super exciting, but it's hard sometimes too. I know my college friends are there for me even when my schedule doesn't allow that much communication and face time, but still. I miss those little rascals. 


3. I'm going to miss my CMA group. So much. You were introduced to my CMA and CMA group already. These 13 people are awesome. In two short days we will all be off in a million different directions, off to take up our placement to begin our two-year commitment to TFA in different cities. Although it's only been 5 weeks, these people have been in the trenches with me since day one. As a way of coping, instead of seeing this as farewell, I'm seeing this as an opportunity to have free lodging when I visit St. Louis, Jacksonville, Milwaukee, Detroit, Seattle, and the Twin Cities. Stay positive, right? I have to say, it's going to be extra hard to begin teaching in a classroom without my collaborative of these three guys: John, Tray, and Zach. They make me laugh so much that I don't think it's allowed to classify our classroom instruction as work, but somehow we got away with it.

4. I'm going to miss Institute. Before I got here, I heard SO MUCH about Institute. I heard: "Good luck with that," "You're never going to sleep," "It's the hardest thing you'll ever do," and my favorite: "Institute is the worst." I can sometimes agree with those sentiments, but truly I've loved these five weeks. Don't believe the people who hate on it. I'm living the dorm life, not worrying about making my meals or grocery shopping, hanging out with tons of new friends, working all day with said friends, and getting to know the city in the process. I move into a new apartment on Saturday, live with new roommates (who are really great too!), start paying rent and buying groceries, and basically begin adulthood. Not to mention I'll be starting real-live orientation next Monday at my real-live job. Having my hand held by advisors, fellow corps members, co-teachers, and supervising TFA staff during summer school has been an awesome support system while doing my first teaching experience. I've grown as a teacher so much already and this process has been nothing but memorable and important to me. My first-graders will be sitting in front of me in 13 days on the FIRST of AUGUST (commence nervous twitching), and I have to be ready for them. Institute gave me the first HUGE push to get there.

Institute, obviously, is not just the experience but the people who go through the experience right alongside of you. I said often in Spain that it wasn't the places that made the semester great (although seeing the sights was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity) but the people who were there with me. If Institute is teacher boot camp, it's the people who have helped me survive. I'm off to embark on yet another step of independence next week and I'm not sure that I'm completely ready, but these people have helped me start to get there. They've pushed me, laughed with me (or mostly at me), and given me amazing examples of individuals who embrace their leadership to DO SOMETHING about the injustices that they see around them. If I could describe how I feel about these people I could say a lot of words, but the main one that comes to my mind is inspirational. I'm a lucky girl to even be here in their presence.

Now it's time to hug it out, pack it in, hang out, go out, move in, and gear up. August 1st is coming soon. 

Perspective

Graduation has passed, and life is moving on along. Between my full-time job of official American Idol and Dancing With the Stars commentator with my parents (don't you dare judge me), I am beginning to actually check things off the list in preparation for my job at a charter school and Teach For America. I've been neglecting THE LIST for some time now, and it needed to be addressed now that finals are through.

But a rabbit trail first. Okay. Sue me if you disagree, whatever. But is it just me or did American Idol get way softer? All the judges are big gummy teddy bears and never say anything remotely critical other than, "Yo dawg, for me...it was aiggght." Since when did RANDY become the BAD GUY? That is the worst they can come up with. What happened to the days of Simon bringing a girl to tears for hitting a wrong note, then crossing his arms over his skin-tight t-shirt in disgust at her emotional weakness? In tonight's episode I heard like eighty flat pitches and a bunch of lyric mess-ups and nothing. Nada. Zip. All sunshine and happiness from the panel of judges. Obviously, Steven Tyler has no idea what's going on around him anyway. But Randy and J-Lo, I'm disappointed! I mean, I'm all about positivity, but let's be honest when that chick doesn't hit her notes! It's okay to be honest! Okay, okay. I get it. Too much reality television for Anna. I need to find a book. 

Back to THE LIST of shtuff. (I like to say it shtuff...sounds more Yiddish to me. Why that matters to a non-Jew like myself? Not sure.) There is THE LIST of to-do items. I've dedicated myself to jumping through these flaming hoops with thorough, punctual efforts. I take great pride in jumping through said hoops with little complaint. But. Then yesterday happened. I hit a wall.

For a solid 5 hours straight, I worked through financial plans, background checks, fingerprinting, online HR websites that malfunctioned for the 6th time, exchanging long e-mails with Frank from customer support at said HR website, HMOs, PPOs, retirement plans, apartment searching, roommate hunting (....anyone? anyone? Bueller?), transcript ordering, e-mail responding, and hair-ripping-outing.

Blech. I was ready to barf. Then it turned out that I had to spend today driving 2.5 hours each way to Chicago for a 15 minute meeting with a guy who took my fingerprints.

But. Alas. This is life. 

Life is annoying sometimes. Life is messy. Life puts you through four different voicemail systems and hangs up on you at the end of the 20-minute muzak track. Life makes you navigate through construction zones to find no-tow parking lots in the city. Life makes you wait in line at the DMV. Life has details that you just need to man up and figure out. Life is full of this stuff (shtuff, if you will). And it is only the beginning for me, especially as a newbie in both the adult world and education world. I've thought about how I got overwhelmed yesterday morning since it happened and got sort of disappointed in myself for getting so frustrated at the annoying details. I've come up with two solutions for myself, and they've worked well for me in the last 48 hours.

Solution 1: GO TO SLEEP.

My favorite activity, ever. This is always helpful. After sleeping on anything I have more clarity. It's great to get distance from whatever you're contemplating in order to sort it out. Sleep has a beautiful way of taking the edge off of angry arguments, tedious bureaucracies, and stressful workloads. It just helps. If sleep is not an option, of course, I have another for you.

Solution 2: GET PERSPECTIVE.

Take one minute. One single minute. Back it up. And remember why you are doing what you are doing. Why you are living your life and who you are living it for. I did this today whilst stuck in traffic. It was wonderful. Why am I running around like a crazy zombie trying to get fingerprints, apartments, budgets, credit cards, direct deposit, benefit packages, and eight million e-mails all accomplished? Because I am blessed to have a job that will teach me not only about myself and others but how I can use my abilities to love and help a broken world. Simple as that. When I remember that, I get perspective. I take one minute to remember WHY the heck I'm doing what I'm doing, and it's all a whole lot simpler. And happier. Of course living in the moment is wonderful (here is a big reason why), but the big-picture perspective is necessary for those individual moments to be enjoyed. In order to not get bogged down and drown in the details, you need to always stay afloat on your noodle of perspective. (See how I worked that metaphor in there? Yeah, I have a Bachelor's in English. That's what I'm using it for.) That one minute of perspective changed my attitude for the next few hours.

I laughed at my laptop when I read this. What great perspective. 

Obviously, nobody lives stress-free. This stuff happens. But I want to do my best to lead a life of joy, even in the midst of the little crap that I'm tempted to allow to bother me. And when all else fails, of course, I think I'll just take a nap. 

Crazy Bunco

I was #3...Not my best performance.

Let me just start this post with a statement: My family is weird. 

Okay now that I have that out of the way, let me tell you one way my family is awesome because of their weirdness. Crazy Bunco. Ready to learn another game? I think you are.

Step one. Everyone bring a white elephant gift. This means something crappy, gross, and/or borderline inappropriate. These will come in handy later after all of the bunco playing is finished.

All the white elephant gifts

Step Two. Organize everyone at tables with four chairs. The person across from you is your partner. The goal is to win. (I hope you knew that, but I'm just covering all of my bases here.)

Bunco is a dice game. There are two dice at each table. You win by rolling points. "BUT ANNA! WHICH ROLLS COUNT AS POINTS?" It's your lucky day, friend. I'm going to explain it to you. 

My uncle, wearing the curtains he
unwrapped at last year's party. 

1. You work your way around the table in a clockwise manner, taking turns at rolling. You continue to roll as long as you keep rolling points. The second your roll is worth zero points, you pass it to your left.
2. Double 3's wipe out your score. Your turn is over, and you now have zero points. It sucks.
2. This is where you have to keep up. Each round, you "go" for a different number on the dice. Let's say we are going for "1's". This means if one of the dice is a "1", that is ONE POINT. If you roll doubles of any other number like 2,4,5, or 6 (remember double 3's = sadness and zero points), those doubles count as FIVE POINTS. Then....the best thing of all...if you are going for 1's and you roll double 1's....
3. Bunco! You just got yourself 21 POINTS, my friend! So there are three possibilities for points: 1 point, 5 points, or 21 points.
4. There are lots of tables in the room of this game going on. When the NUMBER ONE table, the head table, reaches 21 points, they ring the bell. Everyone stops their games, and whatever pair of partners is ahead in points at that moment wins.
5. If you win, you get a punch in your card! You also get to move UP a table toward the head table. If you lose, sadly, no punch for you. You stay at the same lame table you lost at. Better luck next time.
6. Repeat, except this round, go for "2's" and continue to change which number you go for each time the tables get switched. (We never go for 3's. You should know why by now.)

Everyone crammed in our basement

So when you're done, those hole punches in your card come in handy. This is where the fun starts. We get in a big circle, put all those wrapped white elephant gifts in the middle, and start unwrapping. Those with the LEAST hole punches in their cards have to pick first. The Gesch family member with the MOST wins and therefore the MOST punches, gets to look around at everyone's gifts and choose to steal one of theirs, or unwrap a new one. Hilarity ensues. We've had gifts of old curtains, examples of bad taxidermy, old smelly running shoes, cheap hawaiian alcohol from the 1970's, and, my personal favorite from this year, a whole canned chicken (with giblets!) that expired in 1985. Classy. Consider yourselves all prepared to throw your own fabulous bunco parties. And since you're doing it Gesch-style, it is worthy of being named crazy bunco.

My brave friend Nicole who fearlessly joined the Gesch mayhem

One of the classier bunco gifts - porcelain labrador puppy art