Round Table

This year's Thanksgiving was spent with my in-laws. Their celebration is a far cry from a crowded house, buffet style animal eating, paper plates, and card tables. With a smaller crew, we all fit around one table (my first time not at a kid's table was after I got married!), and we get to use real silverware! The nice kind, even! My mother-in-law, Beth, worked herself crazy for 24 hours straight to prepare the most ridiculously delicious spread. I was all like CHEESE! WINE! MEATBALLS! POTATOES! SWEET POTATOES! AHHHH! everywhere I looked. I particularly get spoiled with the first two in that list at my in-laws' home.

When we were all sitting around the table, the food coma almost starting to kick in, my father-in-law directed the conversation to a Round Table. He asked 3 questions of the table, and each person took turns responding. I thought they were very thoughtful.

1. What are you thankful for this year?
2. What are some goals you have for this year?
3. If you could change anything about yourself or the world, what would it be? 

The goals for this year ranged from hilarious (Nanny, Brian's grandma, simply blurted: "Survive!") to practical (Beth wants to be healthier, as if she isn't already putting us all to shame with her paleo lifestyle) to heartfelt (Ed wants to be aware of God's grace each day, particularly by always setting aside devotional time).

Earlier in the day, I chatted with my dad and got some group texts from my immediate family about the Packers (don't even pretend you weren't weeping when Bart Starr and Brett Favre hugged before the game), saying thanks for each other, and sharing pictures of crazy indulgent Thanksgiving spreads.

How is this my life? How is all this mine? I haven't really unraveled just how blessed I am. I just was overwhelmed with the people in my life yesterday. People who are open, kind, thankful for each other, generous, funny, and intentional with these days and milestones in life. Of course each year, as we switch between families, one of us will miss being home, but when you have such wonderful in-laws, it's got to be the next best thing. The coolest thing is that we are home no matter which family we're present with on each holiday. Brian's a son in my family, and I'm a daughter in his.

I shared my answers at the table, so here are my 3 responses.

1. What are you thankful for this year? First, for Brian. For being a fantastic husband, being a great buddy to spend all the mundane and exciting and frustrating and happy days with. For supporting me and making me think. I also said my fantastic parents and siblings. I know a lot of people with horribly hurtful families, and of course we are not perfect, but I could not have asked for better. I continued on to my in-laws, who have just opened up a spot for me and accepted me as I am. I can't join in on those "my crazy mother-in-law" rants, because mine is thoughtful and sweet and not a control freak and a great friend. Basically, my thankfulness this year is for all these sweet and wonderful people.

2. What are your goals for this year? I have a few outlined each year during my birthday, so I'm working on those continually. Right now, I've started my goal of watching every Seinfeld episode in chronological order and making plans to visit Harry Potter World. Less importantly, I want to run a half marathon this year.

3. If you could change anything about yourself or the world, what would it be? This is that big question that always brings me to the same answer. The thing I would change is that justice would really happen, that it would really roll down like a stream for forever. That all that junk about what you look like, what zip code or country you're born into, what culture your family is from, would never hinder us from loving one another. That we would have those goggles to see each other as God sees us, that we would look at the heart. God infamously picks the left out, too old, too young, too poor, oppressed people to be great. I wish we all had more of that first-shall-be-last-and-last-shall-be-first conviction in our hearts as we govern societies, live intentionally, and decide how we're going to serve God in this world.

It was a very moving Round Table this year. If it sounds cheesy, it wasn't cheesy at all. It was great. And as much as we love our families, I know that it can be the hardest to be vulnerable and share from the heart with the ones who know you and love you the most. The more we practice this sharing, the more we open up to each other, I think the easier it will be to see the best in everyone.

Overwhelmed

Today is the official first day of my summer! Last year, on the first day of my summer, I was exhausted and SO SO SO relieved to be done with the school year. If I recall it accurately, I scheduled a facial and massage for myself and then slept the rest of the day. I was worn down to the bone and could hardly make it to the end. I had my wedding to look forward to as well, so I really was itching for that checkout and last drive home. This year was different. This year I got to teach at Calvin Christian School in the community of South Holland, and it has been the best year of my life.

For one thing, the year is so much better because Brian is in it. Our first year of marriage together. I love living life with him, trusting him, learning from him, and growing with him through all the excitement and lulls of life. So he is a big factor in this year. Another thing happened, though, too. This was the year I found out that I was a good teacher. 

I said this to my kids and families gathered in my classroom on the last day of school, amid ridiculous sloppy tears (as per usual). I always I knew that I was passionate about kids, equality, and achievement. I knew I loved people and I knew that it challenged me immensely to help kids learn in all kinds of ways. But...I didn't know if I was good at it. In fact, I felt like I sucked at it. I was so weighed down in the muck of a broken system, overwhelmed with the responsibility of carrying my kids' burdens with them. My principal and coworkers, also passionate about kids and their achievement, had to bear way more than they should have been given, too. I couldn't handle the responsibility. I would cry and say to God all the time, "I can't do this on my own, so help me!" I loved my kids so much but never had a feeling that I was really good at this whole teaching gig. I didn't see my impact and felt defeated by the end of the year. As a school we would crawl our way to the last day of school. I felt like a total failure.

Then I went to Calvin. I figured I would give this teaching thing one more year, just to make sure. Then, something amazing happened: my kids showed up! They are kind, hilarious, outgoing, joyful, obedient, thoughtful, sensitive, talkative, brilliant, cooperative, and just all-around wonderful. Suddenly, I looked around and saw that all of the weight wasn't just on my shoulders. I stood with my coworkers, with my students' families, with my principal, with the local churches and we all took on this job of raising and teaching kids together. Of course it isn't a perfect system, but let me tell you, it's beautiful.  My kids grew together and ate up everything I had for them to learn. I could just feel the difference in the air. Our end of year tests confirmed what I saw in the classroom: that we had learned a lot together. The same kind of growth was going on all over the school too. I finally felt like I was a good fit for this teaching profession and I have my students to thank for it. They are such a special class of kids.

Now, for next year, I am leaving Calvin. Timothy Christian School, a school three miles from us where Brian also teaches, had an opening in second grade that I will be filling to be closer to home. The nearly 2 hours in the car each day was wearing on me, and it makes sense for where Brian and I will be in the future. I was overwhelmed at the prospect of leaving Calvin, my coworkers, and my kids. With the past few weeks though, it's been okay. It's been a bittersweet but good time of wrapping up the year and saying goodbye. There is a veteran teacher (who is so great!) taking my place. Calvin will continue to be awesome and grow as the family that it is. I'll be joining another great family, with a slightly different flavor, but still one that serves the same powerful and good God.    I am overwhelmed with the blessing of doors opened and faithful people that were put into my life this year.

As wonderful and sad and joyful and emotional as it was to say goodbye to my kids, I am looking forward to a little bit more peace. This will be my fourth classroom in four years of teaching, and the prospect of stability and routine sounds divine to my mind right now. A little less time in the car. A little more time with Brian. I'm looking forward to ending school years with a little bit less drama, because I want to find my spot and settle down. I am all done with tears because this past year has been so incredibly good. This was the year I discovered that I was good at teaching.

Do you know how it feels to discover what you're good at? Completely overwhelming. 

Thanks

Hi friends! I am a day late on my yearly moment to reflect on what I am thankful for, but I am in my quiet apartment at midnight and it seems to be the perfect time to do it. My Thanksgiving looked a little different this year, not in a bumbling house of rambunctious cousins, aunts, and uncles, but shared around a table with family and friends that feel like family. I was at the Whartnaby house with Brian's family, Brian and Michal, and Brian's parents (yes there are two Brians, in case you were wondering). We spent the day popping in and out of the kitchen for appetizers, food prep, wine refills, and conversation, back and forth to the couch in various seating arrangements, only to rearrange after the next wine refill. It was a good day. My father-in-law started the table going with a round of sharing what we are grateful for this year, and I went last. Of course by the time they got to me I was such an emotional mess from hearing everyone else's touching things that I could hardly utter understandable words. I'll repeat a few things that I said at dinner and add a few here, but I'm glad to continue the tradition. Here are a few things I'm thankful for this year. The first one is super cheesy, sorry but I'm definitely not sorry :)

1. Brian. He made my list last year, but in the sense of I-have-an-adorable-boyfriend kind of way. This year, he has to be number one on the list because he has been my life's biggest blessing. He still is adorable, of course, but in him I have found my secret-keeper, my nightly dinner date, my TV buddy, my source of advice, my ego-booster, my sounding board, and my best friend. Not only that, but my chronically cold feet now have a ready-made heater to warm them up every night! (#marriageperks). The love, acceptance, and joy he has given me already in four short months of marriage is changing me into a better, more kind, more understanding, more beautiful version of me, and I could not be more thankful for that.

2. Badass wedding photos. Can I say that? Well I did. Hannah White and her husband Greg have amazing talents that have given me a gift beyond what money can buy. I've been looking at our wedding photos again lately and am so thankful to have stunning visuals on hand to remind me of that awesome day. It really is priceless.

3. My brothers. Rudi and Alex for sending me memes and funny texts to make the hundreds of miles that separate us feel a little smaller. Michael for being man enough to be my pedicure buddy. Luke for being cool about discussing world travels and also for lending me Harry Potter.

4. Hulu Plus. Hello Project Runway, Mindy Project, and America's Next Top Model. It's always there when you need a mind vacation. Thinking is hard sometimes. Reality TV to the rescue!

5. My amazing new school. Have you heard about Calvin Christian School?  Go look it up. It is a beautiful place of all kinds of kids and teachers, coming together to learn how to best serve God in this world. It's not perfect, sometimes it's messy, and mostly it's chaotic, but I absolutely am honored to be working where I am right now. It makes me thankful for the first two years of my teaching career and the struggles I faced there, because working at Calvin is so much sweeter after such a hard fight at work. I'm definitely still crying a lot at school, but not for the same reasons that I used to. These days I'm tearing up from amazing second grade thoughts, prayers, songs, and acts of kindness that move me to have complete faith and hope in this growing generation.

6. A membership to CostCo. Who knew you needed 6 bags of brownie mix in one purchase? Well now I know.

7. Family reunions coming on the horizon. For Brian's family and mine. We're headed to Philadelphia before Christmas to reconnect with the Whartnaby crew and my official first time to Brian's old stomping grounds. Also, for reunions with my two brothers and sisters-in-law (and niece and nephew!) currently located on the East Coast through their plans to visit the Midwest for Christmas. I have a big excitement building over seeing my people again in just a few short weeks.

8. My friends. Tonight I got to hang out, laugh, and eat with just a few of the exceptional people whom I somehow am lucky enough to call friends. There are some that have known me since birth, a few just since college, and some still more recently, but I have some hilarious, sweet, and quality people in my circle.

9. All the new people in my life. Yesterday, I sat around a table with 11 other people to share Thanksgiving dinner. I didn't know any of them as recently as a year and a half ago. They didn't know me either until Brian and I started dating. And yet there we sat, sharing so much friendship and faith and love amongst all of us, and I was overwhelmed with the goodness God brings to me through other people. When the world tempts me to believe the lie that I am all alone in this thing, God proves it wrong again and again with the incredible people he drops in my path. Isn't togetherness a gift? I am so thankful for it.

Muchas Gracias

Ah. Today is Thanksgiving. Memories of weird turkey plays from second grade flood my mind with every utterance of the holiday's name. What a great day. People together, eating, talking, napping, and generally being happy and content. It makes my soul feel good. I have 5 things to share today that I am thankful for. Usually I'm a little more snarky and creative, but in all seriousness, this year I am just plain humbled at all the good things in my life. I write my list every year and would love to read yours too.

I am thankful for...

1. Wisconsin. I've always missed Wisconsin when I'm away, but this year my home state holds a particularly special place in my heart. There is an understood something when I tell people in the city that I'm from Wisconsin. It's like they already know I'm a certain kind of person when I say I'm from Wisconsin and they usually nod and smile. While I used to not want to be in anybody's mind any certain kind of person, I now wear that label with resolute pride. I love Chicago, don't get me wrong. But those people are right, there is something about being from Wisconsin. Something down-to-earth, something friendly, something blunt, something hick, and something human. I will always love Wisconsin.

2. My family. This is a generic thing for which to be thankful, but I am finding more and more that my family is a rare thing. I work with kids every day who don't have the support of a family like I do. I have that safety net below my feet, waiting to catch me the second I trip or even if I fall. I have people on my side, in my corner, on my team. As I'm growing up and figuring out where my life is going, one of the things I want above all others is to grow into a person who becomes a safety net for others. I learned what that looks like from my family. 

3. My MacBook Air. This is totally materialistic. I just finally replaced my old laptop on Tuesday and this new machine is a thing of beauty. I'm using it to put this post up, and I figured it was only fair to be very thankful for this too. Apple got me again. 

4. Christmas. I AM SO HAPPY THAT IT IS THE CHRISTMAS SEASON! Thanksgiving marks the switch from that November slump to December cheer and I am so thankful that it is finally here. With such a late Thanksgiving this year, I only have three weeks of teaching standing between me and sleeping in, wrapping presents, and ALL THE TWINKLE LIGHTS. I'm giddy already.

5. Last but definitely not least, I am thankful for Brian Whartnaby. And how great of a camera-sniper-victim that he is. Plus he puts up with my crazy fried self after I lose my mind from long days and weeks of teaching. I think I'll keep him around for awhile. 

It's Over.

Last Wednesday, June 19, was the last day of my first year of teaching. The first year is done. It's over. My first year with Teach For America. My first year in this crazy city. It was a big deal to me. I'm going to be thinking about that last day and what it means to me for a long time after this. I don't know how many installments I'll write about the end of my school year, but I know that I'll be processing it for awhile. For right now, I'm going to be thankful for some things. It's always good to start with that. Who needs the turkey? Today can be Thanksgiving too.

The future third-graders, looking so grown up.

At the end of my first year of teaching, I am thankful for...

1. Survival. If I'm going to be real, I was often uncertain that I would make it to this day. Physically making it to summer break is something for which I am endlessly grateful.

2. Humility. If you want a knock to your ego, go sign up for Teach For America. I guess I'm sentimental for things like sad movies and sappy commercials, but I never thought of myself as a weak person who breaks down and cries over things. Then life said to me: "Welcome to this year, Anna," and the waterworks began. On lunch breaks. On the drive home. Random other times. It's ridiculous to admit, but it's also an overwhelming feeling to be a teacher at my school and for my kids. To modify a Seinfeld-ism: "First, you cry, and then your data comes in after the standardized tests are scored and... you cry again." It was a good thing for me to realize that I am not good at everything right away, even when I put in an enormous amount of effort (it knocked this grade-chasing-overachiever down a few pegs). This has been such an important lesson.

3. Hilarity. I have so, so, so many funny memories with my kids. So many quotes. So many weird interactions. So many moments of chaos. I'm giggling to myself right now even thinking of them all.

4. Revelation. This year has also been one of some tough realizations about the harsh reality of this world. My eyes have definitely been opened. I will never be the same.

5. People. I have met so many new people in this first year in Chicago through this experience with Teach For America. I am so thankful for them all. I am amazed at the variety of humanity that God has made and put into my life. They are the real live people, with skin and hair and personalities. They are so much more real than statistics, numbers, or data points. They are teachers, students, coworkers, friends, and other acquaintances and they are all amazing.

6. Discontentment. Yes, I am even thankful for the uneasiness I still feel about this whole thing, right now as I type. I feel dissatisfied about my abilities as a teacher, I feel worried about the safety and progress of my kids over the summer, and I feel anxious about the system as a whole and the injustices that happen here on a daily basis. I'm thankful that I don't feel at peace with all of those things because I know it will just be motivation to become better, to try harder, to accomplish more. I don't want to feel complacent and I don't ever want to be desensitized to the realities that we all so desperately need to change.

7. Faithfulness. I've seen it out of my friends and family, so much. But most of all, I've seen it from God. I have never been so blown away as I have this year at the unbelievable ways that God takes care of me. He always does. Even when I'm crying in the bathroom, schools around the city are closing down, and there's a shooting a block from where we go outside for recess, God is faithful to us. That's the thing I'm most thankful for.

Now if you'll excuse me, good night to you all. I'll be over here in Pilsen. Going to sleep. Without setting an alarm. (!!!!!!!)

Ten Things That Make Me Really Happy

I found another post on the list of this blogger's challenge that I wanted to do. At this point in the school year after getting home from a 3-hour night class after a long day of teaching after a long two weeks of standardized tests, I'd say it's high time to stop and be thankful for some stuff. Many things make me happy (I'm easily amused), but here are ten of those many things.

1. My Kids' Big Brown Eyes. This sounds so tacky. It sounds like Karen Kingsbury or some other terribly smarmy author should have written that, but I must say that it is true. (For those of you who don't know me, I mean my students and not my actual children. Not that my students are not actual children. What I'm trying to say here is that I do not have biological kids.) They have wonderful brown eyes that give the most hilarious expressions. Granted, many of them are disrespectful expressions (my room is the eye rolling capital of the world), but my particular second graders have a way of making you forget those offenses from time to time and melting your heart for a moment. And then they cuss you out and that moment of bliss goes away, but it was there for a moment nonetheless. 

2. Snapchat. The quasi-inappropriate, funny, and friendly snaps alike all bring joy to my otherwise routine-driven day.

3. Church. Have I showed you pictures of my church before? Well now I have. The place is beautiful. And I know that it's not all about the place looking beautiful or whatever, that technically those elements of church are superficial, but I don't care. There is something about walking into my church that puts my whole self at ease. For that hour and fifteen minutes a week I would want to be nowhere else on earth than in that beautiful place.

4. Pilsen. I've talked about my corner of Chicago before and I'm sure you're bored of the infomercial for Pilsen that I often pitch to people who ask about it. But on sunny days like today, it looks heavenly to me. The uneven roads and sidewalks, the big huge shade trees, the families bustling around town, the brightly-colored buildings, it all was magic.

More pictures of bachelorette goodness are soon to follow! 

5. Weddings. Lord knows I've had my fair share of weddings this past year or so. Lord knows I've been caught complaining from time to time about the money, routines, runaround, and all that goes with them. But I'm going to let you in on a secret and tell you that no matter what, I love 'em. So much love and joy and happiness all together at once in one day and place. Karley's is next weekend and it seems to me that it's absolutely impossible for me to be more happy that a wedding is happening than I am for this one. Well maybe I'd be as excited for my own wedding someday. But maybe not even then. That's how happy I am for her. Oh my goodness I'm smiling as I'm typing.

6. Trader Joe's. Because it makes me feel like a healthy yuppy young adult and I like to feel that way sometimes.

7. Bonfires. I would be perfectly happy to have a bonfire every single night of my summer. Preferably under a clear sky in Wisconsin, but I am happy to be staring at a fire for hours in any old place.

8. Seinfeld. It has never failed to bring me joy for lo these 23 years and I'm still confused on how this one slipped past the radar of my otherwise-strict parents. They allowed me to watch new episodes each week, every one riddled with innuendo and inappropriate viewing all through the 1990's, but I'm glad they had several moments of parental mishap and let me watch the comedic genius unfold.

This might be my favorite place in the world. 

9. Spain. I miss it. I love talking about it. I love looking at pictures. I love laughing at how fat I got when I was there. I love remembering it. Anything that has to do with it makes me really, really happy.

10. Barefoot Moscato That Costs $6.00. 'Nuf said.

Muchas Gracias

Since this (gloriously long) weekend is (so tragically) over, I thought it would be good for me to reflect on what I'm thankful for. I think one day when I establish my own family traditions, I totally am going to make my kids go around the table and say what they're thankful for at dinner time. (But that also implies that I learn to cook a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner...which is not very likely...so we'll see how this whole family tradition thing works out for me.) I obviously am deeply thankful for my job that allows me to work meaningfully (and make money in da bayunk hayyy), my church that has stepped up and become a big part of my life here in Chicago, and other big life things like people and God and nature. But there's also the little things too. Here's my list of thankfulness in November of 2012.

This is the truth. 

I am thankful for...

1. Netflix. I found a random adorable movie on Saturday night and continue to love watching Portlandia, Parks and Rec, and Arrested Development to my little heart's delight.

2. Survival. I have made it past Thanksgiving break in my first year with Teach For America, and for that I am really proud but also really (mainly) grateful to God for getting me to this point without a (total) nervous breakdown. 

3. The ability to braid my hair. Let me tell you something people. Your appearance takes a major hit when you start teaching. I used to generally look presentable whilst out in public. Not so anymore. Just about every day I let my hair air dry into a knotty mess, my face is greasy and gross, my clothes are wrinkled, and my makeup is usually smeared because I don't see a mirror the entire day. This leaves me extremely thankful for the fact that I can braid my hot mess of a head of hair up and back into something somewhat presentable. I don't know where I'd be these days without the side braid.

4. Mott's cinnamon applesauce. Because it makes my daily lunches delicious. I don't care how immature that makes me. It's so good.

5. Roommates. They're wonderful. And they aren't teachers. Which is a fabulous fact, because it means I have somewhat of a life outside of my crazy job.

6. Mexican food. So much spicy goodness. Mexican food makes it okay to ingest copious amounts of cheese. It's hip because it's on a taco!

7. Morning radio talk shows. Each day on my 15-minute commute I hear these people call in and share their weird stories. It makes me feel really good about myself in comparison. I'm thankful for the self-esteem boost.

8. Rihanna. Because why not?

9. Tights. For making dresses that are borderline-not-okay-to-wear-to-school magically just professional enough to pass as teacher attire. Should I be admitting this? Oops.

10. Little Critter books. Because my second graders love them and the storylines are really conducive to teaching comprehension strategies. Thanks Mercer Mayer. (Same to you Mo Willems!)

11. Individual dental flossers. Who'd have thunk that these would revolutionize my mornings?! My flossing is so quick and fun now.

12. Plane tickets. Nothing brings excitement to me like a trip on a plane with a fun reunion or adventure at the other side when you land. I love having trips to look forward to. Cali, here I come!

13. Chipotle. Obviously.

14. My frat boy neighbors. For providing nightly entertainment when on their back deck which is next to my bedroom with paper-thin-walls. I feel like I've learned so much about you, my frat boy friends,  from your choice in jager to your on-again off-again relationship woes. Hang in there buddy, by the way. That one chick seems nice.

15. Moscato. Yep. Imma sip it.

Thankful birds are happy birds. 

And. I must say. I am thankful for you. YES YOU. Because even though I have no clue who reads this thing consistently or at all, it is cool that you find it worth your time to hear my ideas and take something from them. Here's a blug (a blog hug) from me to you. 

Friendsgiving

I am thankful for good people. I am thankful for good friends.

There were more than these people here, but this was the Trinity crew that was present. 

Let me tell you a little about this group of people. They are not my college roommates, nor are they the people with whom I spent most of my weekends. These were the friends I met when I was doing things in college. These are the friends I met while participating in Residence Life activities, playing in soccer practices, acting in improv, debating in Student Association meetings, and leading in freshman orientation week. These are my kindred spirits. People who love to be involved, think critically, and have great conversations about real things. These nerds probably enjoyed attending class as much as I did. I love these people because they are open, articulate, hilarious, and original.

Liz. The hostess with the mostest. 

Let me tell you about Liz Brice. She is not a touchy person and she hates how I exploit this with my hugging/arm nudging ways. But more important, she is a friend of mankind. She loves to bring people together. So last week she hosted Friendsgiving. It was wonderful. Basically, about 30 of us came together from all different friend groups and hung out and ate like crazy at a huge potluck. (I made a big plate of truffs and they went over really well. Click the link for a recipe.) It was a great time.

Jon, Jacqui, Sasha, and Cat. 

My new friend Luke. Sorry for cutting off your face, but this picture looked artsy so I kept it! 

The chalkboard that greeted us. 

Sam and Jon. You've met Sam before. If you haven't, go scroll down a few posts. 

Going through the line. Yumm.

Little talks. 

This is one tradition that I hope I always uphold: getting together with good people, being thankful for them, talking about real things, and eating lots and lots of good food.