What a Guy

Happy birthday to this guy.

The guy who is the best dinner date. 

The guy who faithfully pays our bills, saves for retirement, organizes loans, checks tire pressure, schedules house inspections, takes out the garbage, and generally makes sure that we aren't thrown in prison for tax evasion, so I don't have to deal with all that frustrating stuff.

The guy who is so spoken to on a soul level by every Modest Mouse lyric that ANNA YOU JUST HAVE TO STOP AND COME TO LISTEN TO THIS RIGHT NOW. And then when I can't tell what on earth Isaac Brock is saying, he has to rewind it and replay it until I can figure out what crazy new backwards play on words just happened. Whose mind is blown by each and every song.

The guy who has so many areas of interest, from the Civil War to really good beer to C.S. Lewis to Phillies baseball to cigars to hockey stats to vinyl records to Italian food to jazz-rock fusion to Studs Terkel to theology.

The guy who totally came out of left field in my life. The guy who is simultaneously the most handsome and cute and lovable person I know. The guy who will completely cringe at being the subject of anything I write. The guy who hates attention for this kind of stuff. Who has mastered the ability to appear to be a little bit on the rough around the edges/tough guy side (gold chain around his neck and all) but is literally theee most responsible person I know. The guy who is dark and handsome looking but totally loves to follow rules and make our parents happy and to do things correctly.

The guy who is a perfectionist at heart, constantly itching to get a little bit better, and is always feeling just a bit discontent with his efforts. (Even though the rest of us know he kills it at anything he tries, from teaching to snorkeling to all things hand-eye-coordination.)

The guy who takes life so seriously, who cares about everything deeply, and yet is the weirdest goof when I least expect it. The guy who tells me to "Come in here for a second!" and puts on a cartoon for us to watch and die laughing at together.

The guy who is just the best teacher. I would love to go back to high school and be in his class. The guy who inspires me to never settle for "the way things have always been done" in a profession where that can sometimes be the status quo. The guy who has a big impact for God's kingdom every day.

The guy who takes all of my emotional highs and lows like a champ, always accepts me back after an apology, and never accuses me of anything. Who absorbs any crazy I throw at him and just turns everything okay again.

The guy who is a true worldview live-er. Who has an intrinsic passion for people who have been at a disadvantage or through a struggle or are on the outside looking in. The guy who loves God and shows it instead of giving it lots of lip service like I can sometimes do.

The guy who is so committed to me. The guy who is actually the most thoughtful person I know. The guy who makes me feel lucky every day.

Happy Birthday, Brian :)

You're the best guy I know.

Wands in a Lifetime

So I'm hoping this wasn't just a once-in-a-lifetime thing, but visiting Hogwarts felt so magical. and wonderful. and precious. and perfect. 

Two weeks ago I accomplished one of my most exciting bucket list goals: visit Harry Potter World! This whole thing began when Reese, ever so supportive of book nerd goals everywhere, noticed that I was really getting into Harry mania. I read the entire series last year. She lent me the books, watched the movies with me (I still have to finish the last two), and planned this awesome weekend to Orlando to make these dreams a reality. I went with two people that I already know and love: Reese and Michal. Then I also got to meet their friends from college, Sarah and Esther, who went too, and now I know and love them as well! I know very few friend groups who can adopt a new girl into their plans so quickly and kindly like they have to me. I've been so blessed by Brian's college friends and this was just one of those icing-on-the-cake experiences. Waiting in line to ride the Hogwarts Express didn't feel so long with these four to talk to. 

We packed five of us into a one-room Airbnb condo and kicked off the weekend by meeting our enthusiastic 70-year-old hosts at midnight to get the keys, learn the layout of the area, and hear all of their precious musings and marriage advice. They must've thought we were here to party, because they decked out the room in Mardi Gras beads and decor, chocolates, brochures, and a bottle of Chardonnay that tasted like old perfume. The whole gesture was almost too adorable for me to handle. Little did they know we were totally here to pretend to be Hogwarts students for two days. No beads necessary. 

All I can say about the park is that IT EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS. The RIDES. The TRAIN. The DRAGON. THE FROZEN BUTTERBEER. (I was skeptical if I would like ButterBeer...ummm...so fantastic in frozen form.) It was all just magical. I took the quizzes to be sorted (we all did at some point either prior to this weekend or while in line for one of the rides) and was put into Ravenclaw, which I can embrace. Then I took the quiz for my hybrid house and it put me in RavenPuff, which is TOTALLY me. I am definitely interested in rebranding Hufflepuff as a baller house to join. Kindness, friendship, and loyalty? Yes please. 

At a few points throughout the weekend, I caught myself just looking around with a big dopey smile on my face. A thought creeped into my head: Am I too old to be this happy visiting a place like this? And that thought would quickly vanish when one of the other four would point to the next most awe-inspiring thing and we'd be off to visit that. Nope, not too old. I'm probably just now old enough to appreciate the place with some appropriate respect. With each passing year I'm kind of loving getting older. I don't wish to be 21 again or even 18. Sure, some memories make me nostalgic, but I like that with each stage of life comes its own dose of adventure and experience. I love that with each stage I find more people that prove to me that God is good. 

One funny little detail about this trip was that it coincided with Valentine's Day. Brian and some of his guy friends also had a little weekend trip, so I didn't feel too bad about leaving. I have to say, it was one of the best Valentine experiences of my life. To me, one of the things that makes J.K. such a strong voice is her intuition for eternal and important themes. I mean what on earth does Harry Potter stand for if not friendship, sacrifice, and the power of unconditional love? 

It only lasted for about 48 hours, but Valentine weekend seemed like it lasted for several sunlit days. It was that good. 

It's hard to take selfies sometimes. The other four look good, though :) 

One Year Cheer

As you can see from the last post, it's been one fabulous year of marriage. Imperfect, sometimes tricky, funny, adorable, and yes, fabulous. Brian and I are so quirky in our own ways and I'm so glad to have someone as weird a me. What better way to commemorate than with a trip! 

We celebrated with a one night stay at the Pfister Hotel (fancy!) in Milwaukee. I've always wanted to stay there and it was just as interesting and old and cool as I envisioned. We took a tour of Lakefront Brewery, strolled along the river walk, got coffee, shopped, got free treats from our hotel, and decided that one day everyone should move to Milwaukee. It is Chicago's friendlier, smaller, less-traffic-riddled, more-local-feeling kid sister. I love it. We ate at La Merenda and could not believe our taste buds with plates full of goat cheese, Spanish potatoes, pork empanadas, chorizo, spinach, risotto, and veal. It was so stinking delicious that my mouth is watering more with every word typed.  We have my brother Alex to thank for the restaurant recommendation. The next day we strolled around the marketplace in the Third Ward neighborhood and ate lunch at Benelux (reallll good as well). It was the perfect way to celebrate one year of marriage together. 

Sorry to our checking account, Brian, but I liked it so much that we need to celebrate every year with a little trip somewhere, right? Or at least will you guys all move to Milwaukee with us? I'd like to take over a small city with everyone I know and make it mine. Okay cool. Sounds great. 

One Year Takeaways

When I joined Teach For America I learned about the word "takeaways" and used it often. My managers and supervisors were always asking me things like: "What are your takeaways from your behavior management coaching session?" "What are your takeaways from your first week of teaching?" "What are your takeaways from the webinar on differentiation?" There was so. much. reflecting. When you're on the crazy road of TFA and have to travel along a very fast learning curve, you have to constantly reflect and adjust. Well, it's a habit that I can't quite shake, and so here I am using it for marriage! (Romantic, I know!)

July 12 marked our first anniversary. I love looking at our wedding pictures over and over, reliving the amazing day we had. It really was the best day of my life. I have a vivid memory of my cheeks hurting so badly because I smiled so much. I also remember hardly getting anything from the bar (maybe one glass of wine?) because I was dancing for three hours straight and just chugged water for hydration purposes. My parents threw us a fabulous party. My dream.

It's been one year with my man. Brian has been such a fantastic husband, I could get really gushy, but I'll try to spare you a little bit. All I can say is that I couldn't ask for anyone better. Learning about married life with him has been one of the best adventures of my life.

From time to time, I annoy Brian with these reflection questions and ask for his takeaways for things in life. ("What are your takeaways from Christmas this year?" "What are your thoughts about how this year of teaching went?" "What are your takeaways from that song in church this morning?") Poor guy. He humors me and does his best to answer them. I applied this to marriage and asked him the other day: "What are your takeaways from our first year of marriage?" Like a champ, he came up with great ones to add to my own little list. Here are a few things we learned about being married for one year, from Brian and Anna. I think his are the best ones.

1. Little things matter. (B) Doing dishes, paying the bills, running to the store to get the groceries, wiping down counters, and making the bed seem to be menial things. They end up being the big things. Most of the little things cost very little or no money at all, and end up making the biggest difference to both of us. (Ladies, Brian agreed to do all the dishes whenever I cook the food. Get jealous.)

2. Go to bed angry. (A) I can't take credit for this nugget of wisdom - it was passed along to me at some juncture from someone - but I can't believe how true it is. I understand the heart of intent when someone says: "Don't let the sun go down on your anger." I even believe the biblical reasons for it. I'm going to interpret that to mean "Don't hold a grudge - don't drag out feelings of discontent and bitterness." I am NOT, however, going to interpret that to mean "Work through disagreements at 11:30 pm while drowsy, emotional, and cranky. Delve into the depths of your differing points of view on politics, religion, and relationships when most of the world is entering its second REM cycle." It's just not helpful. But oh my goodness you guys, I feel so much kinder and thoughtful and more forgiving after a full night's sleep. Problems are so much easier after you sleep on them. Our solutions are reached 100 times faster this way.

3. Don't be defensive. (B) Listen to what the other is saying without needing to build up your own case. See the heart of what's going on. Defending something implies that an attack is happening, which means a fight. No need for fights. If I can put it into caveman terms for you: Fights bad. Conversations good.

4. Thou shalt not watch agreed upon TV series without the other. (A) Now, both of us have been guilty of a little Netflix infidelity as of late. Brian totally went ahead on House of Cards, and I recently broke this rule with Orange is the New Black. Honesty is key, though, and we're working through our issues here. Admitting there's a problem is the first step, right?

5. It's really important to eat together. (B) This has been a big one for us. I love being married to a teacher, because he totally gets it. He understands the pace of life, the stressful breakdowns, and the Sunday night blues like only a fellow teacher could. A teacher's life means stretches of chaos and stretches of catch-up and rest. In all the ebbs and flows of busy life, having even 20 minutes of eating and talking together with no screens and no other distractions has become one of the best parts of my day.

6. Always keep dessert in the house. (A) I never knew how important this one was. I think it's a Whartnaby family thing, of which I am now a member, so I guess it's now my thing too! I've never seen the effects of cookies, brownies, and treats work such wonders. It's magical and so simple. Want the recipe for a happy Brian? Just add ice cream.

7. Cuddle a lot. (B) Ha! His tough guy public persona is a goner. Sorry, Brian.

All practicalities aside, I turn to a puddle when I think about how God worked out our story, about how I got this guy placed in my life at just the right time! Life's not perfect, but so far we've been granted a pretty fantastic path. Providence has never seemed so real to me as it does now.

It's been a great year :)

More dessert. 

Valentine Brownie Points

Brian has just been RACKING UP the brownie points this weekend. First, he called my dad a few weeks ago and asked my parents to go on a double date for Valentine's Day. Not only did this secure his place as number-one-son-in-law-for-life in my parents' eyes, it just made my heart burst with all the feels you get when the guy you love cares what your parents think about him. It was precious. We all went out to Trattoria Stefano, a fancy schmancy Italian place in Sheboygan. FABULOUS. After eating all we could possibly eat, we made the obligatory stop at my dad's favorite mini mart (he is a serious mini mart aficionado) for the best gas station coffees and hot chocolate you can find for miles around. Believe me, my dad knows. He's done his research.

So after he got the points with my parents, B racked them up with me, making me the sweetest and best Valentine's Day mix this year, along with a note that I can't share for fear of taking away from the stoic, manly facade he's built up for the sake of public image (PSA: he's actually made of marshmallows and gumdrops on the inside). Enough of the mush, though. Let me share with you some of the great songs that graced my ears on the drives up to and back down from Wisconsin. These are screen shots from my phone as I Shazam-ed the titles so that I could share a few of them with you all.

First? Thunder Clatter by Wild Cub. This is one of "our songs" if you could consider us to have "songs" specific to us. It played at our wedding when we walked in the reception, and it was the subject of many jam sessions while we drove back and forth to each other's apartments in the engaged-but-not-yet-married stage. It's a great song that still gets me.

Next, we have Jim Croce. The title is self-evident. 

Thirdly, no trademark Brian mix is complete without one of his musical idols, Neil Young. I have to admit, I used to think the whiny voice was a little overwhelming, but now I appreciate his nuanced genius. 

Van Morrison is next. Neil and Van are Brian's staples. At this point you might notice that all of Brian's selections are of songs released before we were both born. This is cheesy, but when we first started dating, I remember a slow dance in his apartment to a Van Morrison vinyl. (Actually, I just said that it's cheesy so you guys wouldn't judge me. It wasn't cheesy at all; it was an adorably charming move on his part.)

Ah, he does modern music, too! I like this song for its electro-coolness, as well as the band name, Anna of the North. Hey, Anna of the North? That's me! 

Back to the oldies with James. 

And finally. Last but not least, we have this hilarious tribute to one of the worst musical decisions ever: a song named Wifey. Go listen to Next and laugh. Brian has a hip hop streak :) 

All in all, I've concluded that you shouldn't believe what they tell you about guys giving up the chase once you're married. They just tend to know you better, so their gestures are less corny and more personal, like hanging out with your parents and curating an awesome Valentine CD. B's brownie points, as always, keep on climbing. 

The Past Two Years

The other day an outfit inspired a moment of thankfulness and reflection around here. It was the first Sunday in November, and I happened to be wearing one of my old-faithfuls of church outfit selections: a shirt-dress with a tie-waist that may-or-may-not-be-inappropriately short. When teaching I wear it as a long shirt over pants, and while out in public I risk the shortness with tights underneath and a long coat to give the illusion of acceptability. I like it. It's a pink and navy flower print (totally not what I'm usually drawn to in a store) but goes with black and brown and gray and fits no matter what. Brian saw it, tilted his head to the side for a second, and said, "Hey - that's what you were wearing when we met!"

Then we looked at the calendar, realized it was the first Sunday in November, and made the connection that here I was, wearing the same outfit, two years later, on the same exact Sunday of the month. Not that earth-shattering, but it was kind of a cute moment (mostly cute to me, because he noticed and remembered what I was wearing when we first met). Now, if you know us, you know that the first time we met was all of 3-5 minutes of small talk in the hallway at the school where Brian and my brother worked, half of the conversation directed toward my brother and his family and half of it towards me. During that time I was just floundering through my first year of teaching and had a great set of dark circles developing under my eyes. I had been switched between classrooms, my kids faced such severe struggles at home that managing behavior in the room was a marathon of effort every day, and the overwhelming burden of not being effective at my job was weighing me down deep into the ground. Surely there were good things in my life, too, but this adulthood thing and this teaching thing has been a transition not without its struggles for me. Working for Teach For America, while so good in so many ways, will do that weighing-down thing to you. At that point, all I could do was answer simple questions, nod, half-smile, and say "nice to meet you," before trudging home to a nap. And that was the last I heard of Brian Whartnaby for seven months.

Then the phone call happened, then the first date happened, and the rest was history. Isn't it crazy what can happen in two years? We went from friendly strangers to exciting crushes to serious dating to married; Brian is who I live my life with and around now; he is my person. There's no way I could have predicted what role he would take in my life on that Sunday two years ago.

I've been inspired by a few bloggers and other sources in the encouragement to downsize my possessions a bit and clean out my closet every once in a while. This weekend was one of those occasions, where those few pieces bought in my college years that have been hanging on for dear life were finally laid to rest in the Goodwill pile. This shirt-dress (or whatever it is) was no exception, as it was purchased on sale during my junior year of college and had to come under the scrutiny of to-keep-or-not-to-keep just like the rest of them. And I thought about how I wore it last Sunday, not knowing the anniversary of the occasion, and how Brian remembered it, and that it made me smile. It was the dress I wore when I met him. So, its position in my overstuffed closet remains indefinitely, as it helps remind me of the past two years, the progress I've made, the love I've found, the hand of God in my life, and the peace that comes in the unfolding of time seen in the rearview of hindsight.

Little did Brian or I know who we were really meeting that day, two years ago. I'm so glad it turned out how it did.

Adios

One of the hard things about growing up, I've found, is that at every single stage you are saying farewell to someone or something. Always. There are new things all the time, new things to learn and fit into, but with every corner you turn, another friend or place or way of life is bid adieu.

Marriage has definitely been one of those watershed decisions for me, one that involves a fair share of goodbyes. I've said goodbye to people I love a lot lately. I left a school and coworkers and students that required every ounce of my energy and investment, one that didn't leave me unwounded, but one that forever is imprinted on my heart. I turn around and begin at a new school in a few weeks, figuring out what it means to love my kids and help them grow into the people they want to be. My brother's family, Rudi and Stephanie and kids, have started their own new chapter in a big and exciting move to the east coast. It's been harder than I thought to know that the cutie below, her little brother, and her parents aren't a quick drive away.

In these first few weeks of marriage, I've also said goodbye to a lot of ways of life, a lot of what has been the norm for me in the past few years. I'm saying goodbye to Roommate Anna in a small way, sadly watching Jen, Madeline, and others I've lived with in the magical Pilsen world move on to their next steps. But I'm also gaining a new roommate, one of the scruffy boy variety, one whom I happen to love very much. So I think this was a fair trade off. Of course, I'm also saying goodbye to myself in ways that aren't sad. I'm saying goodbye to Single Anna and Dating Anna. Thank goodness those are gone, for I was weary of the runaround and arbitrary rules of the world where that girl lived.

One question I had about this thing of marriage though, one that I'm still trying to figure out, is how to not completely say goodbye to yourself, when, in effect, you have sworn and promised that you will melt away from your current form into being one entity, on one side, and one team with another person (a beautiful thing, in my opinion). One of the things that make Brian and I work together is what makes us distinctive. I'm a bit more of an idealist/optimist, and he's more competitive. I'm more sensitive and intuitive, while he's more principled and discerning. There are all of these qualities we possess, unique to ourselves, that make it work with the other one. And yet, here we are supposed to be One. We no longer develop along our own trajectory, but affect and shape the other's development. How to maintain Independent Anna (Seinfeld fans - I hope you're laughing at that reference...) when my whole goal of this next part of my life as we move forward in marriage is actually to be Interdependent? I suppose that is why they call marriage a mystery?

Maybe saying goodbye to one way of being just leads into something else. Another way of existence. A way that is more grounded, more visceral, more incredible than any old way seemed before.

Karley and Sam are Married.

I'm going to write about it in more detail soon, believe me. But for now, with today off from school, I'm taking the afternoon to catch up on laundry, groceries, cleaning, lesson plans, and, of course, ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT (can I get a witness?!). It's a nice buffer before my last kick of the school year.

Saturday. Was. Perfect.

That's really the best way to say it. Pure magic from beginning to end. I love you Karley Mae!

Peace Out

On Friday night, my girl Karley Mae came to my apartment for some downtown shopping, hot-chocolate-sipping, and general soak-up-the-Christmasness-of-the-city fun. I love nights like this because we didn't need a plan, we simply went with it and had an awesome time just doing whatever, buying gifts and trinkets at random stores for others and ourselves. Karley is such a special person to me because she knows me, the real me. It is such a relief for me to be around her.

I was thinking about this yesterday, after she left, and was trying to figure out why I had such a fun time on a Friday night meandering around doing "nothing" with my best friend. It was the best Friday night I've had in awhile. It's not that she is exactly like me, agrees with everything I say, and therefore we get along. She is a completely different person than me. We disagree. We have different strengths, styles, tastes, interests, talents, and personalities. We don't gravitate towards the same things. But somehow we speak the same language. I've got her back, and she's got mine. And when I fumble up my words in an explanation of something I just said, she's right there nodding her head. She gets it.

True friendship. Yes. 

Maybe that's what makes friendship and relationships work. Maybe we don't need to be the same, we just need to be understood. 

I think it was an Oscar Wilde quote that said something about how people just need to be loved, not understood. Well...I slightly disagree. A lot of loving people happens in the pursuit of understanding. Not that you can ever completely understand anyone (that's the fun of continually getting to know anybody), but I think that a big part of loving somebody is committing to patiently working to try anyway. To try to understand. I can immediately think of those people who have patiently put in the time for my sake, and I know without a doubt I can truly be myself around them. The patient people are also the people that I trust. I don't think that's a coincidence. 

I'm one of those personalities that likes to relate to people. This makes meeting new friends and making connections tons of fun and actually really exciting. This also means that, when I'm with someone who understands me already, I have an unbelievable sense of peace that I didn't even know I was missing. It's easy to get hyper, wound-up, and flighty when you're spending your weeks running around and talking to parents of your students, trying to be professional with your bosses and co-workers, and in other situations fresh out of college where you meet new people and need to represent yourself at a new work, church, and life. When all that is taken away and I'm with someone who doesn't need the introductions and first impressions and friendliest version of myself, I realize what a peace that really is, especially at a time in my life when it's hard to feel peaceful about almost anything. It's a huge opportunity to exhale. I think we all want and need people like that. Those people are becoming more and more important to me.

This is something I want to do. I want to allow people to feel this peace to be themselves around me.  I'd like to put in the time to try and understand others on their own terms and let them feel free from the hyper runaround of making a good impression. To feel free to not always make connections and relate and be alike, but to be who they are as an original. To give them a chance to calm down and just be. That's an amazing gift to give someone. I think instead of Starbucks cards, clothes, and books these days, I could stand to invest in giving gifts like that.

SHARYN

April, myself, and Lizard. Always surrounded by blondies. 

Can NOT believe I haven't put up any picture of my beloved Karyn Koopmans' wedding that occurred at the beginning of this month. I love this girl with all my heart and am so happy that she is blissfully living in holy matrimony right now. She married a great guy named Shane Navratil, so I guess that would make her Karyn Navratil now. RIP Koops. You were a great nickname for so long. I think my dad won't ever stop calling her Koops. Also, in the tradition of BENNIFER and BRANISTON and BRANGELINA, their celebrity nickname would be SHARYN. Baller. 

Cousins :) 

While a lot of people roll their eyes or look at me in shock and awe when I say I had 12 weddings from April to November this year, I actually didn't mind it. I love weddings. I love love. So while, yes, it was pretty dang expensive to attend all these special days, it was also really special to be there for the biggest day of my friends' lives together. This is the third time this wedding season I've been asked to be a bridesmaid, and this one really felt special. Karyn and I have almost completely opposite personalities naturally (just ask her what she thought of me on first impression freshman year...oops), but her friendship is one that I value so much. She is real, speaks the truth, and isn't afraid to cut through the nonsense that can build up in a world where nobody wants to offend one another or have real opinions. She is also intelligent, reserved, caring, low-key, and thoughtful. There are so many things about her that I wish I had more of in myself. Isn't that funny? How you can bond with people exactly like you and almost nothing like you just the same? I think it's important to have friends of both persuasions.

Trinity crew!

Now I've rambled about Karyn because I know her so well, but I must also point out the catch that she married. Shane is an awesome, principled, chill guy. Perfect for Karyn. They just click together. And they're handling this adulthood transition better than almost anyone I know. Heck, they probably have like a 401k started or something. That mature. Shane, I have three pieces of advice for you in order to have a life of happiness with Karyn: 1) Root for the Cleveland Browns 2) Memorize While You Were Sleeping line by line and 3) Keep the main thing (your faith) the main thing in your life. That's Karyn in a nutshell. 

freshly married

Mel and me

Thomas was nice enough to go with me as my date to this shindig.
Doesn't he look thrilled? 

Three Little Words

Today started like any Tuesday. I woke up after too few hours of sleep, crammed in some homework before class, ate breakfast, and got ready. I sat down in my English 375 (Advanced Writing) class four minutes before its 9:30 start. Today was a pretty normal day of class, but there was an exceptional lesson learned within the middle of it that made it memorable for me. We were talking about writing tips for our upcoming essays and how basic choices of verbs, nouns, adverbs, and adjectives strengthen our paper. We got to the slide on nouns and said that generally, the more specific the concrete noun, the better (Daisies instead of flowers, Big Mac instead of hamburger, you get it). Then we got to this:

Abstract nouns are hardest to use well. Like love. Our use of love tends to be lazy. 

Well. I know that the sentence was concerning our usage of "love" in what we write, but of course my mind started to wander. I thought that sentence perfectly describes our (or at least my) everyday life. Love is hard to use well. 

I am guilty as charged. I say "I love you Mom and Dad," in one breath and then turn around to say "Ohemgoodness I love that TV show!" in the next. I just like to love things, so I will admit my contribution to cheapening the word. But I'm not the only one guilty here, people. Now I've never said those words to someone in THE BIG WAY, but how many people have you seen say, "I LOVE YOU AHHH" all over Facebook to their significant other and then after the breakup schmear (yes I consider that to be a real word) their ex any chance they get? Or friends who say "I love you and don't know what I'd do without you!" and two months later could not care less about the well-being of that same person. Obviously hurt feelings happen and emotions run high in those situations initially, but I think with time, eventually, you have to think: 

Hey. I told that person those three little words at one point. And that wasn't just a flaky statement, that was a promise. 

I think when you say those words to someone, whether that be your boyfriend, girlfriend, parents, brother, sister, friend, roommates, teammate, or dog (haha), you are making a promise. Easy to say, hard to do. You are promising, "I'm going to always be patient with you!" and "I won't get jealous of you, won't constantly try to one-up you, and will never think of myself as more important than you!" Yikes. Those are big promises, and that's only the beginning. With those words you're also promising:

"I won't be rude to you."

"I won't expect anything back for stuff I do for you."

"I won't jump to angry conclusions with you."

"I won't keep track of stuff that you do wrong. I'll forgive you every time." 

"I'll tell you the truth and be honest with you."

"I'll protect you and your reputation when I talk to you and about you."

"I'll trust you, and trust that God has a plan for you."

"I will hope for the best for you, and always assume the best about you."

"I will always hang in there with you, and I'm always on your side." 

"I won't ever fail you. You can count on me."

Wait. So it doesn't mean "I love you, except when you mess up and I don't feel like acting like it anymore." And it doesn't mean "I love you, but when you annoy me I reserve the right to be rude and angry at your stupid habits." Shoooooot. That makes it a whole lot harder. 

But as we know, love is a hard word to use well. 

Maybe we should be more careful about using love well even though, as my professor highlighted and I've discovered, it is an arduous job. It's difficult. But I think if we can even start to chip away at living up to that list, when we stop using love in a lazy way, we start to reflect the one who loves us perfectly. And that makes it worth it. 

Because while love is a difficult noun to use well, it's the greatest noun of them all.

Our Love Is Here To Stay

These are just my thoughts on one of the best people walking around on this earth. Since it's Valentine's, I think it's a good time to talk about someone I love. His name is Brian Gesch, also referred to as B-Money, and he is my dad.

Myself, Special-K, and B-Money all together on vacation

Here are some things that I've learned from my dad. Along the way I'll try and give you a little picture of who we're dealing with here:

#1 Be yourself, and be confident in who you are. My dad can't help but be himself. He is such a strong presence that everything he does is SO HIM. I used to get embarrassed of some of his tendencies in public, but now I love them. You know exactly who the guy is. He will ALWAYS be the loudest one singing in church. When he is in charge of making me dinner he will ALWAYS make a delicious steak for each of us cooked medium rare. He will ALWAYS ask every non-English speaker to teach him to say hello in their native language. He will ALWAYS say my mom is the most amazing person he knows. He will ALWAYS ask "May I bus your table?" and clear off the dishes when we have a family gathering. And he will ALWAYS cry at touching moments in movies, particularly in Old Yeller. He is, unapologetically, himself.

#2 Crank up the volume. This is specifically applied to the radio, but also metaphorically applied to life in general. Anytime you drive a vehicle after my dad was the last one at the wheel, when you turn on the car, you can bet money that you will be assaulted with a decibel level high enough for permanent hearing damage. He does this with good songs, the BBC radio for world news updates, and talk radio sessions on the 1130 AM channel in Milwaukee. I often make him mixed CD's for his birthdays and holidays of music I think he will like. I'll get many a voicemail of him singing along to a blasting Kelly Clarkson number or Cee-Lo Green's "Forget You" throughout my random school days. But everything he does is cranked up a few more notches than the average person. Have to be somewhere at 10:00? NOPE! My dad will do you one better and our whole family will be showing up at 9:15. Just to get a feel for the circumstances and to be punctual, for goodness sakes. I had 8 AM soccer games as a kid when I was the only girl on my team of boys and would show up a whole hour and fifteen minutes early. He and I were the only ones on the field, sitting at 6:45 in the morning with nothing to do. He would take that opportunity to make me do little drills by myself and practice sliding in mud so I was filthy and wet before the game even started. He said I had to do this because, well, "Then it shows you're not one of those weak girls who are afraid of getting a little dirty!" Like I said, in the Gesch family we have to turn it up a few notches. On everything.

#3 Live in loyalty to your principles. My dad is the most loyal person I have ever met, and I am not kidding. To everything. To my mom, to our family, to his parents, and to his principles of what is right and wrong. The guy isn't happy unless he is following all of those things. If he's in opposition to one of those, he's thrown completely out of whack. If he figures out he has done something against his principles, he apologizes and tries to get back to correct alignment. He has to do the right thing, or he can't stand himself. He has a fierce loyalty to the concept of SITUATIONAL AWARENESS and feels a deep obligation to inform me that I must use it at ALL times. Whenever I feel like I'm living in a world of gray, talking to my dad clears the lines a little bit. Talking with him reminds me that there is always a right thing to do and that I must just figure out what that is.

#4 Always say hello. This could be a piece of wisdom passed down first from my dad's father, Wilfred. My grandpa told me, "Anna, it doesn't cost anything to be friendly." My dad is the same way. I have often had to practice my handshake with my dad. When my family was assigned to be the greeters in church, I was thoroughly instructed to not give "dead fish" handshakes. "Look 'em in the eye, give a firm handshake, and say hello!" If there is a room full of people he already knows and ONE that he's never met, guess who is now conversing with Brian Gesch. Yep, the one. And if they're from a different country you get big time bonus points because now he can ask all about their trip and their lifestyle and their language and their religion. He just loves people. One time he met a guy from Cameroon. After a conversation the African guy ended up giving my dad the shirt he was wearing as a gift because my dad complimented him on it. The shirt looks hilarious but my dad cherishes it because he loved meeting that guy. That would only happen to him.

Of course, all this says volumes about my mom. My mom is the one behind the scenes that helps make my dad this great person that he is. She saw a guy in the 1970's with a white man's a-fro and chose instead to see a potential leader, husband, father, and teacher, and gave him a shot to fulfill all that unrealized possibility. She hangs with him through everything he does and gives our family the legs on which to stand up.

As for the title, this is a fabulous song of Frank Sinatra's (and many other singers, originally written by George Gershwin) that my dad and I both love to sing. And just like the song, I know that if the Rockies are crumbling, and Gibraltar is tumbling over, my dad will still be my dad. Brian Gesch will always be Brian Gesch, the same guy. And I love him for that. 

Why I Walked

Well...I guess it was technically a march. But there wasn't much of that going on - someone with my lack of coordination can't keep a good march going. So I'm going to say I walked.

On Monday I had the privilege to take part in the annual Right to Life March (or walk in my case) in Washington D.C. to protest on the anniversary of Roe v. Wade, which legalized abortion in all fifty states. I'll supply my fun times, pictures, and touristy adventures soon, but I think it's important to take a minute and tell you why I did this thing in the first place. It's important and I'd love to hear your thoughts, whether you concur or not.

Braving the rain

Ahhh. Where to begin. Well let's start by saying abortion has always been something that has caught my attention. I wrote a research paper on it for a history class, presented on it for a political science class, and wrote an essay on it for an English class. I interned at Bethany Christian Services, an adoption agency, this summer because I strongly believe in their mission to be there as a positive, loving option to young mothers in difficult situations. But the reason I did the walk is a little stronger than just an area of interest.

My partner in crime for the walk

Before I go on, let me say: I realize the stereotypes that come along with being an advocate for the pro-life cause. Some of the things I don't mind, some of the things I really can't stand. I understand that in every large, opinionated group of people there will be those on the extreme who don't do things with tact. I realize that when I tell some of you that I went to D.C. for this reason it might seem annoying and naive. I realize that women in difficult pregnancy situations need a loving community, not angry threats. I see that there are people on the other side of the argument who are very intelligent. People who know a lot of things. But there are a few things that I know too.  

I know that I was made for a purpose. I know that you were made for a purpose. Everyone has a purpose. 

Every life has a purpose. 

I know that when I didn't value my own life, there was someone else who did. That someone valued my life so much that He gave his own to pay for it. 

I know that because of what He did, now I think life is the most valuable thing in existence, and the only way to treat it is with love. 

I know that it's my job to spread the word. I have to tell people this thing that I know: that love is the only way to deal with a life. 

I know that someone fought for my life when I couldn't on my own. I know that I was in death's grip until someone took me back and proclaimed my life to be important. To be worth it. 

And so I guess I walked for a lot of reasons. But I kept feeling this particular one coming up in my mind: 

Anna, you gotta stand up for those lives because someone else stood up for yours.

If I don't stand up for life, what does that say about my relationship to the one who died for mine? My relationship with Him compels me to do something. Say something. Because the love of life is so integral to who I am, it's like it was programmed on my heart. And being silent or passive on the issue would just be a lie to myself, a lie to those precious lives that are being thrown away, a lie to those mothers who have strength and purpose beyond comprehension, and a lie to the one who started it all - the one who had the courage to love life first. 

The Best Pintentions

For my resolutions this new year, I've recruited Pinterest to find my inspiration. For those of you not familiar, it's a website where people share cute/cool/interesting/inspirational pictures on a massive virtual bulletin board. While it can become a black hole of time-consumption and procrastination, I have also used it to find some helpful quotes for what I'm going to do differently and better this year. The pictures below line up with each of my goals. Check 'em out girl scout.

Goal #1: Listen to my own body. I do this weird self-destructive thing where I push myself to my limits for no reason. I don't eat well, don't drink enough water, am sporadic on exercising, and I wonder why I feel tired and stressed all the time. I've decided I will slow down and really assess how I feel and respond accordingly. Stressed out? Go running. Feeling sluggish? Eat some fruit and healthy protein. Desperate to keep my eyes open? Go to bed and start tomorrow with enough energy. When I do all of these things, I feel amazing. This practice will also hopefully help me finally reach my goal of weighing what I did before I went to Spain. I'm 9 pounds down, 3 to go in that effort to get back to normality. Woohoo!

Goal #2: Stay open. I want to be ready for new opportunities and adventures as they come up. I want to listen to God, my friends, and other people who present me with direction. The world is so big. And there are possibilities everywhere. And instead of responding with, "Let's sit this one out," I want to respond with an emphatic, "Let's go."

Goal #3: Practice the best kind of love.  The best kind of friendship is the kind that puts your own self and interests below the interests of others. This friendship is what makes the best kind of love. It's the kind of love that changed human history as well as my entire life. While the Disney princess posse might have us believe that romantic love is the best kind, I think they're one level too shallow. Strong, amazing relationships (romantic or not) are primarily based on a self-sacrificial friendship. That's a worthwhile way to spend a life, in my opinion. 

Goal #4: Be brave. This is a big year coming up. Heck, it's a big 5 months coming up. I have to somehow start on the path of growing up and leaving the comforts of my college years to see what I'm going to do with my life afterward. I figure I have two choices: chicken out and cry, or man up and be confident. I want to be courageous as I look for jobs, meet new contacts, and put myself out there to the adult world. My brother one time told me "Anna, we're Gesches. We can do anything." I like that attitude. 

Goal #5: Cut myself some slack, Jack. I know I might have some big ideas for my future, but I also am acutely aware of how life rarely follows the course of anyone's pre-laid plans. If things don't work out how I envisioned, I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I'm going to remind myself along the way this year that life does not always go according to Plan A. And that life more often follows plans B, C, and even sometimes you have to work your way all the way down to Plan Q. But that's what makes it fun, right?

Here's to a healthy, adventurous, devoted, brave, and unpredictable year. Let's go. 

Two to Tango

The other day, I was doing some research for a presentation in my English 356 class, Ancient Mediterranean Literature. I've told you about this class before, and let's recall how I am about 40% Grade A "Nerd." Okay maybe a little more than 40%, but that's up for debate. Stay with me.  I was researching information on Hispania, the name of the Roman colony that existed in what is modern-day Southern Spain (including my second home, Sevilla). I was looking up stuff on Seneca the Younger, the famous Roman Stoic philosopher who was born in that colony, and found a quote of Seneca's that just warmed my little heart. It actually had nothing to do with the class, and nothing to do with my presentation. But that's why it's so great: 

"A quarrel is quickly settled when deserted by one party; there is no battle unless there be two."

Let me explain. There's history here. And it involves my Grandpa and Grandma. The former of whom is a fabulous person living in Wisconsin, and the latter of whom is a fabulous person who passed away last Spring while I was away in Spain. I happen to believe that they lived one of the best love stories of all time. Not because it was perfect by any means, but because it was real. They raised five boys and were married for 68 years through all the pleasant, scary, sad, important, mundane, and joyful days alike. 

My grandparents on one of their family road trips.
Love her outfit!

My Grandpa, the first time I hung out with him after my Grandma died, was reflecting a lot on their lives together. One comment that he made is still vividly alive in my mind. He said, "We never really fought about things. If one of us started up on an issue, the other would just shut up. You try to have an argument with just one person! Doesn't work so hot!" 

Well. For one thing, I'm not so sure that my Grandma would have agreed that they NEVER fought over ANYthing. But that's another story.

What got through to me is that they lived all those years together on a team. They were FOR the other, not against. And when one started to push, the other refused to push back. 

I think when I get to the marriage stage of life, I want to take a cue from Wilfred and Elinore on this one. I think a big part of being in love means being on the same team, the same page, and the same side. 

The first grandkid

And we're letting Seneca steal all the credit for this piece of wisdom? I've decided that I'm starting a campaign to re-credit this little nugget to my grandparents. They earned it.