What a Guy

Happy birthday to this guy.

The guy who is the best dinner date. 

The guy who faithfully pays our bills, saves for retirement, organizes loans, checks tire pressure, schedules house inspections, takes out the garbage, and generally makes sure that we aren't thrown in prison for tax evasion, so I don't have to deal with all that frustrating stuff.

The guy who is so spoken to on a soul level by every Modest Mouse lyric that ANNA YOU JUST HAVE TO STOP AND COME TO LISTEN TO THIS RIGHT NOW. And then when I can't tell what on earth Isaac Brock is saying, he has to rewind it and replay it until I can figure out what crazy new backwards play on words just happened. Whose mind is blown by each and every song.

The guy who has so many areas of interest, from the Civil War to really good beer to C.S. Lewis to Phillies baseball to cigars to hockey stats to vinyl records to Italian food to jazz-rock fusion to Studs Terkel to theology.

The guy who totally came out of left field in my life. The guy who is simultaneously the most handsome and cute and lovable person I know. The guy who will completely cringe at being the subject of anything I write. The guy who hates attention for this kind of stuff. Who has mastered the ability to appear to be a little bit on the rough around the edges/tough guy side (gold chain around his neck and all) but is literally theee most responsible person I know. The guy who is dark and handsome looking but totally loves to follow rules and make our parents happy and to do things correctly.

The guy who is a perfectionist at heart, constantly itching to get a little bit better, and is always feeling just a bit discontent with his efforts. (Even though the rest of us know he kills it at anything he tries, from teaching to snorkeling to all things hand-eye-coordination.)

The guy who takes life so seriously, who cares about everything deeply, and yet is the weirdest goof when I least expect it. The guy who tells me to "Come in here for a second!" and puts on a cartoon for us to watch and die laughing at together.

The guy who is just the best teacher. I would love to go back to high school and be in his class. The guy who inspires me to never settle for "the way things have always been done" in a profession where that can sometimes be the status quo. The guy who has a big impact for God's kingdom every day.

The guy who takes all of my emotional highs and lows like a champ, always accepts me back after an apology, and never accuses me of anything. Who absorbs any crazy I throw at him and just turns everything okay again.

The guy who is a true worldview live-er. Who has an intrinsic passion for people who have been at a disadvantage or through a struggle or are on the outside looking in. The guy who loves God and shows it instead of giving it lots of lip service like I can sometimes do.

The guy who is so committed to me. The guy who is actually the most thoughtful person I know. The guy who makes me feel lucky every day.

Happy Birthday, Brian :)

You're the best guy I know.

One Year Cheer

As you can see from the last post, it's been one fabulous year of marriage. Imperfect, sometimes tricky, funny, adorable, and yes, fabulous. Brian and I are so quirky in our own ways and I'm so glad to have someone as weird a me. What better way to commemorate than with a trip! 

We celebrated with a one night stay at the Pfister Hotel (fancy!) in Milwaukee. I've always wanted to stay there and it was just as interesting and old and cool as I envisioned. We took a tour of Lakefront Brewery, strolled along the river walk, got coffee, shopped, got free treats from our hotel, and decided that one day everyone should move to Milwaukee. It is Chicago's friendlier, smaller, less-traffic-riddled, more-local-feeling kid sister. I love it. We ate at La Merenda and could not believe our taste buds with plates full of goat cheese, Spanish potatoes, pork empanadas, chorizo, spinach, risotto, and veal. It was so stinking delicious that my mouth is watering more with every word typed.  We have my brother Alex to thank for the restaurant recommendation. The next day we strolled around the marketplace in the Third Ward neighborhood and ate lunch at Benelux (reallll good as well). It was the perfect way to celebrate one year of marriage together. 

Sorry to our checking account, Brian, but I liked it so much that we need to celebrate every year with a little trip somewhere, right? Or at least will you guys all move to Milwaukee with us? I'd like to take over a small city with everyone I know and make it mine. Okay cool. Sounds great. 

One Year Takeaways

When I joined Teach For America I learned about the word "takeaways" and used it often. My managers and supervisors were always asking me things like: "What are your takeaways from your behavior management coaching session?" "What are your takeaways from your first week of teaching?" "What are your takeaways from the webinar on differentiation?" There was so. much. reflecting. When you're on the crazy road of TFA and have to travel along a very fast learning curve, you have to constantly reflect and adjust. Well, it's a habit that I can't quite shake, and so here I am using it for marriage! (Romantic, I know!)

July 12 marked our first anniversary. I love looking at our wedding pictures over and over, reliving the amazing day we had. It really was the best day of my life. I have a vivid memory of my cheeks hurting so badly because I smiled so much. I also remember hardly getting anything from the bar (maybe one glass of wine?) because I was dancing for three hours straight and just chugged water for hydration purposes. My parents threw us a fabulous party. My dream.

It's been one year with my man. Brian has been such a fantastic husband, I could get really gushy, but I'll try to spare you a little bit. All I can say is that I couldn't ask for anyone better. Learning about married life with him has been one of the best adventures of my life.

From time to time, I annoy Brian with these reflection questions and ask for his takeaways for things in life. ("What are your takeaways from Christmas this year?" "What are your thoughts about how this year of teaching went?" "What are your takeaways from that song in church this morning?") Poor guy. He humors me and does his best to answer them. I applied this to marriage and asked him the other day: "What are your takeaways from our first year of marriage?" Like a champ, he came up with great ones to add to my own little list. Here are a few things we learned about being married for one year, from Brian and Anna. I think his are the best ones.

1. Little things matter. (B) Doing dishes, paying the bills, running to the store to get the groceries, wiping down counters, and making the bed seem to be menial things. They end up being the big things. Most of the little things cost very little or no money at all, and end up making the biggest difference to both of us. (Ladies, Brian agreed to do all the dishes whenever I cook the food. Get jealous.)

2. Go to bed angry. (A) I can't take credit for this nugget of wisdom - it was passed along to me at some juncture from someone - but I can't believe how true it is. I understand the heart of intent when someone says: "Don't let the sun go down on your anger." I even believe the biblical reasons for it. I'm going to interpret that to mean "Don't hold a grudge - don't drag out feelings of discontent and bitterness." I am NOT, however, going to interpret that to mean "Work through disagreements at 11:30 pm while drowsy, emotional, and cranky. Delve into the depths of your differing points of view on politics, religion, and relationships when most of the world is entering its second REM cycle." It's just not helpful. But oh my goodness you guys, I feel so much kinder and thoughtful and more forgiving after a full night's sleep. Problems are so much easier after you sleep on them. Our solutions are reached 100 times faster this way.

3. Don't be defensive. (B) Listen to what the other is saying without needing to build up your own case. See the heart of what's going on. Defending something implies that an attack is happening, which means a fight. No need for fights. If I can put it into caveman terms for you: Fights bad. Conversations good.

4. Thou shalt not watch agreed upon TV series without the other. (A) Now, both of us have been guilty of a little Netflix infidelity as of late. Brian totally went ahead on House of Cards, and I recently broke this rule with Orange is the New Black. Honesty is key, though, and we're working through our issues here. Admitting there's a problem is the first step, right?

5. It's really important to eat together. (B) This has been a big one for us. I love being married to a teacher, because he totally gets it. He understands the pace of life, the stressful breakdowns, and the Sunday night blues like only a fellow teacher could. A teacher's life means stretches of chaos and stretches of catch-up and rest. In all the ebbs and flows of busy life, having even 20 minutes of eating and talking together with no screens and no other distractions has become one of the best parts of my day.

6. Always keep dessert in the house. (A) I never knew how important this one was. I think it's a Whartnaby family thing, of which I am now a member, so I guess it's now my thing too! I've never seen the effects of cookies, brownies, and treats work such wonders. It's magical and so simple. Want the recipe for a happy Brian? Just add ice cream.

7. Cuddle a lot. (B) Ha! His tough guy public persona is a goner. Sorry, Brian.

All practicalities aside, I turn to a puddle when I think about how God worked out our story, about how I got this guy placed in my life at just the right time! Life's not perfect, but so far we've been granted a pretty fantastic path. Providence has never seemed so real to me as it does now.

It's been a great year :)

More dessert. 

Overwhelmed

Today is the official first day of my summer! Last year, on the first day of my summer, I was exhausted and SO SO SO relieved to be done with the school year. If I recall it accurately, I scheduled a facial and massage for myself and then slept the rest of the day. I was worn down to the bone and could hardly make it to the end. I had my wedding to look forward to as well, so I really was itching for that checkout and last drive home. This year was different. This year I got to teach at Calvin Christian School in the community of South Holland, and it has been the best year of my life.

For one thing, the year is so much better because Brian is in it. Our first year of marriage together. I love living life with him, trusting him, learning from him, and growing with him through all the excitement and lulls of life. So he is a big factor in this year. Another thing happened, though, too. This was the year I found out that I was a good teacher. 

I said this to my kids and families gathered in my classroom on the last day of school, amid ridiculous sloppy tears (as per usual). I always I knew that I was passionate about kids, equality, and achievement. I knew I loved people and I knew that it challenged me immensely to help kids learn in all kinds of ways. But...I didn't know if I was good at it. In fact, I felt like I sucked at it. I was so weighed down in the muck of a broken system, overwhelmed with the responsibility of carrying my kids' burdens with them. My principal and coworkers, also passionate about kids and their achievement, had to bear way more than they should have been given, too. I couldn't handle the responsibility. I would cry and say to God all the time, "I can't do this on my own, so help me!" I loved my kids so much but never had a feeling that I was really good at this whole teaching gig. I didn't see my impact and felt defeated by the end of the year. As a school we would crawl our way to the last day of school. I felt like a total failure.

Then I went to Calvin. I figured I would give this teaching thing one more year, just to make sure. Then, something amazing happened: my kids showed up! They are kind, hilarious, outgoing, joyful, obedient, thoughtful, sensitive, talkative, brilliant, cooperative, and just all-around wonderful. Suddenly, I looked around and saw that all of the weight wasn't just on my shoulders. I stood with my coworkers, with my students' families, with my principal, with the local churches and we all took on this job of raising and teaching kids together. Of course it isn't a perfect system, but let me tell you, it's beautiful.  My kids grew together and ate up everything I had for them to learn. I could just feel the difference in the air. Our end of year tests confirmed what I saw in the classroom: that we had learned a lot together. The same kind of growth was going on all over the school too. I finally felt like I was a good fit for this teaching profession and I have my students to thank for it. They are such a special class of kids.

Now, for next year, I am leaving Calvin. Timothy Christian School, a school three miles from us where Brian also teaches, had an opening in second grade that I will be filling to be closer to home. The nearly 2 hours in the car each day was wearing on me, and it makes sense for where Brian and I will be in the future. I was overwhelmed at the prospect of leaving Calvin, my coworkers, and my kids. With the past few weeks though, it's been okay. It's been a bittersweet but good time of wrapping up the year and saying goodbye. There is a veteran teacher (who is so great!) taking my place. Calvin will continue to be awesome and grow as the family that it is. I'll be joining another great family, with a slightly different flavor, but still one that serves the same powerful and good God.    I am overwhelmed with the blessing of doors opened and faithful people that were put into my life this year.

As wonderful and sad and joyful and emotional as it was to say goodbye to my kids, I am looking forward to a little bit more peace. This will be my fourth classroom in four years of teaching, and the prospect of stability and routine sounds divine to my mind right now. A little less time in the car. A little more time with Brian. I'm looking forward to ending school years with a little bit less drama, because I want to find my spot and settle down. I am all done with tears because this past year has been so incredibly good. This was the year I discovered that I was good at teaching.

Do you know how it feels to discover what you're good at? Completely overwhelming. 

Valentine Brownie Points

Brian has just been RACKING UP the brownie points this weekend. First, he called my dad a few weeks ago and asked my parents to go on a double date for Valentine's Day. Not only did this secure his place as number-one-son-in-law-for-life in my parents' eyes, it just made my heart burst with all the feels you get when the guy you love cares what your parents think about him. It was precious. We all went out to Trattoria Stefano, a fancy schmancy Italian place in Sheboygan. FABULOUS. After eating all we could possibly eat, we made the obligatory stop at my dad's favorite mini mart (he is a serious mini mart aficionado) for the best gas station coffees and hot chocolate you can find for miles around. Believe me, my dad knows. He's done his research.

So after he got the points with my parents, B racked them up with me, making me the sweetest and best Valentine's Day mix this year, along with a note that I can't share for fear of taking away from the stoic, manly facade he's built up for the sake of public image (PSA: he's actually made of marshmallows and gumdrops on the inside). Enough of the mush, though. Let me share with you some of the great songs that graced my ears on the drives up to and back down from Wisconsin. These are screen shots from my phone as I Shazam-ed the titles so that I could share a few of them with you all.

First? Thunder Clatter by Wild Cub. This is one of "our songs" if you could consider us to have "songs" specific to us. It played at our wedding when we walked in the reception, and it was the subject of many jam sessions while we drove back and forth to each other's apartments in the engaged-but-not-yet-married stage. It's a great song that still gets me.

Next, we have Jim Croce. The title is self-evident. 

Thirdly, no trademark Brian mix is complete without one of his musical idols, Neil Young. I have to admit, I used to think the whiny voice was a little overwhelming, but now I appreciate his nuanced genius. 

Van Morrison is next. Neil and Van are Brian's staples. At this point you might notice that all of Brian's selections are of songs released before we were both born. This is cheesy, but when we first started dating, I remember a slow dance in his apartment to a Van Morrison vinyl. (Actually, I just said that it's cheesy so you guys wouldn't judge me. It wasn't cheesy at all; it was an adorably charming move on his part.)

Ah, he does modern music, too! I like this song for its electro-coolness, as well as the band name, Anna of the North. Hey, Anna of the North? That's me! 

Back to the oldies with James. 

And finally. Last but not least, we have this hilarious tribute to one of the worst musical decisions ever: a song named Wifey. Go listen to Next and laugh. Brian has a hip hop streak :) 

All in all, I've concluded that you shouldn't believe what they tell you about guys giving up the chase once you're married. They just tend to know you better, so their gestures are less corny and more personal, like hanging out with your parents and curating an awesome Valentine CD. B's brownie points, as always, keep on climbing. 

On Being a Gesch: An Ode to my Last Name

Yesterday I sat in the Social Security Administration office waiting in line for 3 hours. This was the first step in changing my name over to Brian's, a step important to both of us when it comes to getting married. At first, I went with the idea of Anna Kathryn Whartnaby as my full name, dropping the old last name and replacing it with the new. The moment in our wedding when my hand was transferred from my dad's to Brian's to go up to the altar was the bittersweet picture of this. As I thought about changing my name, though, I couldn't let it go completely. I had to keep Gesch in there somehow, not as a hyphenated thing, but as my new middle name. So Anna Gesch Whartnaby it is. I had to keep it, because being a Gesch is a special thing. I'll try to explain.

Dancing with the guy who gave me the name in the first place. 

This is not everyone's experience in my family, it is solely my own, as I have the particular brand of Gesch-ness influenced by my parents, grandparents, siblings, and geography. There are so many things that go along with this title at the end of your name, and when I think of being a Gesch, I am so proud to be one. Here is a little bit of what it means to me.

1. When you are a Gesch, you have to know that you are pretty quirky and high strung. It's just one of those things that go along with the territory. You and your people are weirdly talented, but kind of like purebred animals, also a tad temperamental and nuanced. I have family members who are brilliant jazz pianists, historians, pigeon-raisers, writers, singers, trumpet players, artists, bow hunters, bicycle fixers, self-taught craftsmen and carpenters, hunting outfit guides, and a lot of preachers who never went to a day of class in a seminary, yet are delivering theologically layered sermons with the best of them. Walk into a room of Gesches and the subject of conversation can be anything from Shakespeare to shotguns, and you can believe there is a lot of incessant foot tapping, finger fidgeting, and coffee sipping as the debates or rants ensue. We're all just a tad uptight. 

2. When you are a Gesch, you have strict parents. It's just how it is. You hate it at 16, but are pretty grateful for it later on.

3. When you are a Gesch, you are painfully early to everything. You are overly punctual. Of course my wedding started 5 minutes early. My dad, meeting my mom and I at a restaurant for dinner a few weeks ago, showed up 45 minutes before the meeting time we agreed on and hung out in a booth, greeting other patrons and making conversation with our server. A Gesch tends to make friends with the custodial staff at various places of worship and business, because those are the only other humans present in these locations at such ridiculous hours. Gesches spend large potions of their lives waiting around awkwardly for things to begin. But it's okay, these kinds of lessons in delayed gratification build a lot of character, a virtue also incredibly important to the Gesches.

4. When you are a Gesch, you have learned from your family to be faithful and loyal. They stick with their local roots, spouse, family, and church. Of course we are not always perfect just like anybody, but this little area is very important to the clan. 

5. When you are a Gesch, you are a communicator. My grandma was famous in far off countries throughout the world for writing letters to missionaries on a consistent basis. We all tend to write in one way or another, and we definitely have the problem of talking too much. This means large vocabularies, stimulating discussions, and opinionated children articulately lobbying for later bedtimes (guilty as charged; I think the Brian Gesch clan's offspring was particularly strong in this area). It also means a necessity to do the whole foot-in-mouth thing every once in awhile due to the lack of filter between your brain and your mouth. Please forgive us, for we Gesches mean well. 

6. When you are a Gesch, you tend to get emotional in old age. We are a sentimental bunch. In my case, "old age" is the ripe, ancient year of 24, because I get teary-eyed every time I talk about my grandma, say goodbye to my parents, or hear Edie Ritsman sing anything in church.

7. When you are a Gesch, you are part of a friendly, handshaking crew. You meet new people all the time (probably other people who are early to events) and are well versed in the art of Meeting New People. Gesches bombard New People with talking too loud, enthusiastic yet random inquiries into cultural heritage, and invitations to Thanksgiving dinner celebrations so that other Gesches may Meet the New People.

8. When you are a Gesch, you sing. This is not optional. There is no question of whether or not you participate in church singing groups and choirs, it's just sort of assumed with your name that you will. You can always count on a Gesch to belt out the favorite hymns.

9. When you are a Gesch, you are sarcastic and witty. You laugh a lot as a Gesch, but it's a hard-achieved humor, one you have to work for. No easy laughs. Not much is easy-going in the life of a Gesch, but it is worth it to be present for a brilliant joke cracked by Uncle Jeff. 

10. When you are a Gesch, you're probably a teacher, married to a teacher, a sibling of a teacher, or born of a teacher in one way or another. All of those categories happen to apply to me. Being a Gesch means loving to learn and loving to help people learn. It means an odd talent for trivia games, episodes of Jeopardy, and any other form of quickly generating information. It also means having so many random and useless facts up in your brain that you have a hard time remembering other things, like where you put your keys. Or whether you turned off the oven. Things like that.

So that's why I couldn't let go of my wonderful last name, not altogether at least. I will always love the book hoarding, coffee stirring, muskrat trapping, small town loving, churchgoing people who raised me and the values they instilled in my life, no matter how quirky that might make me. I look forward to seeing what it means to be a Whartnaby, and even helping define what that means in our own family unit with Brian and I. When I look at my name, my whole name, I will still get to see Gesch right there in the middle. And I am very proud of that. 

Adios

One of the hard things about growing up, I've found, is that at every single stage you are saying farewell to someone or something. Always. There are new things all the time, new things to learn and fit into, but with every corner you turn, another friend or place or way of life is bid adieu.

Marriage has definitely been one of those watershed decisions for me, one that involves a fair share of goodbyes. I've said goodbye to people I love a lot lately. I left a school and coworkers and students that required every ounce of my energy and investment, one that didn't leave me unwounded, but one that forever is imprinted on my heart. I turn around and begin at a new school in a few weeks, figuring out what it means to love my kids and help them grow into the people they want to be. My brother's family, Rudi and Stephanie and kids, have started their own new chapter in a big and exciting move to the east coast. It's been harder than I thought to know that the cutie below, her little brother, and her parents aren't a quick drive away.

In these first few weeks of marriage, I've also said goodbye to a lot of ways of life, a lot of what has been the norm for me in the past few years. I'm saying goodbye to Roommate Anna in a small way, sadly watching Jen, Madeline, and others I've lived with in the magical Pilsen world move on to their next steps. But I'm also gaining a new roommate, one of the scruffy boy variety, one whom I happen to love very much. So I think this was a fair trade off. Of course, I'm also saying goodbye to myself in ways that aren't sad. I'm saying goodbye to Single Anna and Dating Anna. Thank goodness those are gone, for I was weary of the runaround and arbitrary rules of the world where that girl lived.

One question I had about this thing of marriage though, one that I'm still trying to figure out, is how to not completely say goodbye to yourself, when, in effect, you have sworn and promised that you will melt away from your current form into being one entity, on one side, and one team with another person (a beautiful thing, in my opinion). One of the things that make Brian and I work together is what makes us distinctive. I'm a bit more of an idealist/optimist, and he's more competitive. I'm more sensitive and intuitive, while he's more principled and discerning. There are all of these qualities we possess, unique to ourselves, that make it work with the other one. And yet, here we are supposed to be One. We no longer develop along our own trajectory, but affect and shape the other's development. How to maintain Independent Anna (Seinfeld fans - I hope you're laughing at that reference...) when my whole goal of this next part of my life as we move forward in marriage is actually to be Interdependent? I suppose that is why they call marriage a mystery?

Maybe saying goodbye to one way of being just leads into something else. Another way of existence. A way that is more grounded, more visceral, more incredible than any old way seemed before.