Refunding

One time on Seinfeld they referred to barfing as "refunding." I thought that was a nice way to put it.

Here's one aspect of teaching that I never thought would come naturally to me, but I'm dealing with it more maturely than I expected.

I don't know what it is with all you 7 and 8-year-olds, but you guys barf a lot. 

Today, my kid D just let it fly during Writing Workshop all over himself, his chair, and the floor and stared at me like I was his mom or something. Like I was his person! Like I had to be the one to take action!

In the past, I might have run away screaming or more likely just vomited myself out of pure grossed-outedness. But somehow God has decided to develop the nurturing gene that I somehow have way deep down in my soul and gave me the strength to go over there, clean him up, and help him to the garbage can. It's happened three times this week in my classroom and I've seen it 3 times in the halls/recess areas in the past two days.

I think the reason for my unexpected compassion in these gross situations is that I know from experience that the second I throw up my immediate thought is, "WHERE IS MY MOTHER?!" as if she is going to come in and clean me up and make me toast while I watch The Price is Right on the couch. So I can understand the tendency to look around the room as a second grader when you refund your lunch and to immediately look for the closest thing that looks like your mom. I mean, I look nothing like my kids' moms, but I am older than them and I am a female. Close enough. 

Props to my mom for putting up with my crybaby self whenever I barf. Heck, props to ALL THE MOMS. One day, if I join your ranks, I'll be thankful for D who saw me as qualified to help his poor self out.

Onward and upward. Hopefully my naming today Throw-up Thursday isn't prophetic for the rest of the year. 

So Happy Together

Sam. This chick's necklace game is always killer.  

On Saturday night I went downtown for Teach For America's Holiday party. We got to get all gussied up to hit up Macy's downtown on the ninth floor. Pretty fancy schmancy. We hung out, had drinks, danced, and just enjoyed being together again. I realize how much impact these people had on my life in such a short time when we get nights together like this. Since I'm the only Teach For America person at my school, I soak up any chance I get to be with those who are doing this crazy thing alongside of me in Chicago. Love them to pieces. Great way to start off the holiday cheer. 

Julia, Colin, and Sam. Amazing teachers and human beings. We all
taught at the same school for summer school Institute. 

Mackenzie. Runner and fungirl extraordinaire. These are my new glasses, BTW. 

Uh oh they're picking me up. This turned out badly. 

Bathroom pic after a night of dancing and fun. I'd say it was a holiday party success. 

Stuff Students Say: November Edition

Yet another installment of some of my favorite things that my kids say on a daily basis. These are the ones I happened to remember to write down. They are very confused with how old I am. Some of them think I'm 18, some of them think I'm 30. And then they are also perplexed as to why I don't have a husband and kids at my ripe old age of 23. I think they'd fit right in at Trinity :) 

If I was president I would help the kids and help the homeless people. (This made me cry.)

If I was president I would stop the violence. Like all the fighting. (And again.)

If I was elected president I would sit up in my office and just eat cake. All day long. Eating Cake. (This made me laugh.)

Every time I burp it smells like egg.

I got a pit bull and I can't wait to cuddle him up all afternoon. 

(A limo passes by on the street)
Look! It's Michelle Obama!

Do you know that if you lick the carpet you'll get a fuzzy tongue?


Student: Ms. Gesch you got a husband. You do. I KNOW it.
Me: No, I actually don't. You really think I have one?
Student: Ohhhhhh. No. Ok so Ms. Gesch then why don't you got no kids?

Ms. Gesch? When you die and go in the sky can you still breathe? What I'm meaning is when you with God do you still breathe? Or just not really? 

SHARYN

April, myself, and Lizard. Always surrounded by blondies. 

Can NOT believe I haven't put up any picture of my beloved Karyn Koopmans' wedding that occurred at the beginning of this month. I love this girl with all my heart and am so happy that she is blissfully living in holy matrimony right now. She married a great guy named Shane Navratil, so I guess that would make her Karyn Navratil now. RIP Koops. You were a great nickname for so long. I think my dad won't ever stop calling her Koops. Also, in the tradition of BENNIFER and BRANISTON and BRANGELINA, their celebrity nickname would be SHARYN. Baller. 

Cousins :) 

While a lot of people roll their eyes or look at me in shock and awe when I say I had 12 weddings from April to November this year, I actually didn't mind it. I love weddings. I love love. So while, yes, it was pretty dang expensive to attend all these special days, it was also really special to be there for the biggest day of my friends' lives together. This is the third time this wedding season I've been asked to be a bridesmaid, and this one really felt special. Karyn and I have almost completely opposite personalities naturally (just ask her what she thought of me on first impression freshman year...oops), but her friendship is one that I value so much. She is real, speaks the truth, and isn't afraid to cut through the nonsense that can build up in a world where nobody wants to offend one another or have real opinions. She is also intelligent, reserved, caring, low-key, and thoughtful. There are so many things about her that I wish I had more of in myself. Isn't that funny? How you can bond with people exactly like you and almost nothing like you just the same? I think it's important to have friends of both persuasions.

Trinity crew!

Now I've rambled about Karyn because I know her so well, but I must also point out the catch that she married. Shane is an awesome, principled, chill guy. Perfect for Karyn. They just click together. And they're handling this adulthood transition better than almost anyone I know. Heck, they probably have like a 401k started or something. That mature. Shane, I have three pieces of advice for you in order to have a life of happiness with Karyn: 1) Root for the Cleveland Browns 2) Memorize While You Were Sleeping line by line and 3) Keep the main thing (your faith) the main thing in your life. That's Karyn in a nutshell. 

freshly married

Mel and me

Thomas was nice enough to go with me as my date to this shindig.
Doesn't he look thrilled? 

Muchas Gracias

Since this (gloriously long) weekend is (so tragically) over, I thought it would be good for me to reflect on what I'm thankful for. I think one day when I establish my own family traditions, I totally am going to make my kids go around the table and say what they're thankful for at dinner time. (But that also implies that I learn to cook a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner...which is not very likely...so we'll see how this whole family tradition thing works out for me.) I obviously am deeply thankful for my job that allows me to work meaningfully (and make money in da bayunk hayyy), my church that has stepped up and become a big part of my life here in Chicago, and other big life things like people and God and nature. But there's also the little things too. Here's my list of thankfulness in November of 2012.

This is the truth. 

I am thankful for...

1. Netflix. I found a random adorable movie on Saturday night and continue to love watching Portlandia, Parks and Rec, and Arrested Development to my little heart's delight.

2. Survival. I have made it past Thanksgiving break in my first year with Teach For America, and for that I am really proud but also really (mainly) grateful to God for getting me to this point without a (total) nervous breakdown. 

3. The ability to braid my hair. Let me tell you something people. Your appearance takes a major hit when you start teaching. I used to generally look presentable whilst out in public. Not so anymore. Just about every day I let my hair air dry into a knotty mess, my face is greasy and gross, my clothes are wrinkled, and my makeup is usually smeared because I don't see a mirror the entire day. This leaves me extremely thankful for the fact that I can braid my hot mess of a head of hair up and back into something somewhat presentable. I don't know where I'd be these days without the side braid.

4. Mott's cinnamon applesauce. Because it makes my daily lunches delicious. I don't care how immature that makes me. It's so good.

5. Roommates. They're wonderful. And they aren't teachers. Which is a fabulous fact, because it means I have somewhat of a life outside of my crazy job.

6. Mexican food. So much spicy goodness. Mexican food makes it okay to ingest copious amounts of cheese. It's hip because it's on a taco!

7. Morning radio talk shows. Each day on my 15-minute commute I hear these people call in and share their weird stories. It makes me feel really good about myself in comparison. I'm thankful for the self-esteem boost.

8. Rihanna. Because why not?

9. Tights. For making dresses that are borderline-not-okay-to-wear-to-school magically just professional enough to pass as teacher attire. Should I be admitting this? Oops.

10. Little Critter books. Because my second graders love them and the storylines are really conducive to teaching comprehension strategies. Thanks Mercer Mayer. (Same to you Mo Willems!)

11. Individual dental flossers. Who'd have thunk that these would revolutionize my mornings?! My flossing is so quick and fun now.

12. Plane tickets. Nothing brings excitement to me like a trip on a plane with a fun reunion or adventure at the other side when you land. I love having trips to look forward to. Cali, here I come!

13. Chipotle. Obviously.

14. My frat boy neighbors. For providing nightly entertainment when on their back deck which is next to my bedroom with paper-thin-walls. I feel like I've learned so much about you, my frat boy friends,  from your choice in jager to your on-again off-again relationship woes. Hang in there buddy, by the way. That one chick seems nice.

15. Moscato. Yep. Imma sip it.

Thankful birds are happy birds. 

And. I must say. I am thankful for you. YES YOU. Because even though I have no clue who reads this thing consistently or at all, it is cool that you find it worth your time to hear my ideas and take something from them. Here's a blug (a blog hug) from me to you. 

Friendsgiving

I am thankful for good people. I am thankful for good friends.

There were more than these people here, but this was the Trinity crew that was present. 

Let me tell you a little about this group of people. They are not my college roommates, nor are they the people with whom I spent most of my weekends. These were the friends I met when I was doing things in college. These are the friends I met while participating in Residence Life activities, playing in soccer practices, acting in improv, debating in Student Association meetings, and leading in freshman orientation week. These are my kindred spirits. People who love to be involved, think critically, and have great conversations about real things. These nerds probably enjoyed attending class as much as I did. I love these people because they are open, articulate, hilarious, and original.

Liz. The hostess with the mostest. 

Let me tell you about Liz Brice. She is not a touchy person and she hates how I exploit this with my hugging/arm nudging ways. But more important, she is a friend of mankind. She loves to bring people together. So last week she hosted Friendsgiving. It was wonderful. Basically, about 30 of us came together from all different friend groups and hung out and ate like crazy at a huge potluck. (I made a big plate of truffs and they went over really well. Click the link for a recipe.) It was a great time.

Jon, Jacqui, Sasha, and Cat. 

My new friend Luke. Sorry for cutting off your face, but this picture looked artsy so I kept it! 

The chalkboard that greeted us. 

Sam and Jon. You've met Sam before. If you haven't, go scroll down a few posts. 

Going through the line. Yumm.

Little talks. 

This is one tradition that I hope I always uphold: getting together with good people, being thankful for them, talking about real things, and eating lots and lots of good food. 

No-Shame November

Some people do No-Shave November. I'd rather not be disgusting and I'm not a hippie girl, so I do No-Shame November instead. Inspired by my friend Liz, I did a post to start my little tradition last year and it was really refreshing to do. It helped change my mindset in some ways. Basically, I want to identify one thing that is true about myself that I am ashamed to admit and get it out there. Then I want to work on it. 

So here we go. Ready? I'm ashamed that...

Sometimes I want to quit Teach For America. Sometimes I want to give up. 

Is that terrible to say? Somewhere, Wendy Kopp just furrowed her brow and pursed her lips in judgement. There are times when people ask me what I'm up to these days, and I tell them. I say I'm doing Teach For America in Chicago in a second-grade classroom. That's usually very well received and accompanied by some sort of vague encouragement that I'm some sort of really good person for doing this. (Hint: I'm no better than anyone!) I believe my motivations for joining TFA were and are still pure, and I  want to continue to do this shindig for the good of my kids who are totally worth it and who deserve better than what the system is giving them. But I have to be truthful. It's really hard. I know that's obvious and lame to say, and I knew it would be hard all along, but I just want to be honest about what's going on.

No. I'm not going to quit. I'll stick it out. But what makes me ashamed is that I find myself wanting to quit sometimes. There are those days when I'm inspired and motivated and fired up about the world's problems and am ready to roll up my sleeves and GET TO WORK to start solving this whole thing. But that's not how I feel all the time. And that sucks. I hate that I feel that way sometimes.

I'm ashamed to admit the jealousy I feel towards those who aren't doing this crazy teaching thing. I'm jealous of those with cushy office jobs, part-time filler jobs, more semesters of school or grad school, and living arrangements with their parents. Who get to enjoy their Sunday afternoons. Who get to use the bathroom whenever they need to use the bathroom.

I'm ashamed to admit that I still feel like a weak sauce teacher sometimes. Like I am still trying to get the hang of it and it's been almost four months.

I'm ashamed that I don't always feel like the confident, courageous, compassionate person that signed up to do this. I know I still am that person and always will be, but when one student is flailing in circles on the floor, another is yelling a cuss word at 392 decibels, another is crying because someone kicked her on purpose under the table, and another just threw up, I tend to forget that person.

Honestly, I think it's good to fail a little bit. It's shown me what a huge problem our country (and our city in particular) has on its hands with this batty school system. It's shown me the intense work, talent, and passion that has to be invested in the problem to start making some changes. It's shown me that I have to work at things and that most great great things come at the end of difficult roads. This experience is already making the point plain as day that I can't rely on myself to solve everything. I alone am not going to be the answer to any problems. But what can I do?

I can show up. I can do my part. I can be one person who makes that choice, whether I'm feeling like it or not, to care. I can choose to be patient. I can choose to work hard. I can choose to celebrate the small good things instead of vent about the bad things. I can choose to keep at it. And with God's help I can maybe start to chip away at some things.

I'm resolving to fight off those thoughts of quitting, because at this point it's not an option for me or my kids. I have it on my mind to love my kids more, pray for my kids more, and listen to my kids more. I have it on my mind to never never never give up. As we go into Thanksgiving break, this is what's on my mind. There's no shame in that.