Good ol' Lew.

In my opinion, one of the most quotable people on this planet was C.S. Lewis. He finds the right nuance to say things in a simple and profound way such that it tells the truth. I hope that I can be a truth-teller like him as I grow up. I suppose I'm thinking a lot about being real and being fake these days (here are my thoughts on how to fake it 'til you make it, and here are my two cents on being real when you're struggling) and so this particular quote caught my eye.

It's resonated with me because lately I've had some issues genuinely feeling like I love some people. It's usually very, very easy for me to gush happiness towards my friends, family, students, coworkers, and even strangers. I love people in general and interacting with them is usually fun for me. But for some reason, with the end-of-the-year-I'm-going-to-lose-my-mind pressure going on, it's not a natural feeling for me to be kind, patient, and sweet to everyone. I hate it. But it's just not there sometimes. And here, of course, is where good ol' Lew chimes in. He says:

On the human level, you know, there are two kinds of pretending. There is a bad kind, where pretense is there instead of the real thing: as when a man pretends he is going to help you instead of really helping you. But there is also a good kind, where the pretense leads up to the real thing. When you're not feeling particularly friendly but know you ought to be, the best thing you can do, very often, is to put on a friendlier manner and behave as if you were a nicer person than you actually are. And in a few minutes, as we have all noticed, you will be really feeling friendlier than you were. 

Brilliant.

This so strikes me because last week, during my (too short) of a prep period that was occupied by a million things, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. Since a lot of kids' parents call me with a lot of changing phone numbers, I picked up. It turned out to just be a simple mistake of a wrong number. My impulse was to talk over the lady and blurt out SORRYWRONGNUMBER and immediately hang up. But I felt like, in front of all the other 2nd grade teachers in the teachers lounge who were also prepping, I should try to pretend to be a kind and helpful adult. I followed C.S.'s advice and just chose the kindness route in spite of my instinct otherwise. And, of course, it paid off as always. I had a nice little two minute conversation with the lady on the other end, actually smiled afterward, and had one of the other teachers say, "Woah, that was really nice of you." I felt good. The prep period wasn't so negative and busy and annoying and hurried anymore.

Now this is a dumb example. And I'm not writing it down because I'm trying to brag about the fact that I wasn't completely rude to a stranger for two minutes. That's no accomplishment at all. It was, however, a lesson in obedience.

If my heart doesn't feel like being a loving, kind person, that's no excuse. My job (if you're someone with beliefs and convictions in this department you can relate) is to obey with my actions, and my heart will follow. People are entitled to my kindness whether I feel like it or not; I'm not allowed to just follow my own changing, human moods as I leave a trail of negativity in my wake. It's not faking kindness, it's being kind in spite of yourself. I think that's almost more genuine and real anyway. When you're not really feeling like it, you follow through anyway. I think a lot of being good to people has to do with that kind of love. That's when you really know. Because there are people who do this. There was one person in particular who laid everything down for me when he didn't really feel like doing it either. But he did it anyway. Because he loved me.

These are wonderful things to think about on a Monday after school. As I think about my kids. As I think about my family. As I think about my friends. Keep it up, C.S., because I'll keep reading.