This one's a toughy. (Yes, I'm still an English major. Yes, used the word "toughy." Pronounced TUFF-ee.)
Maybe you can relate to this one. Or maybe you surround yourself with perfectly edifying people at all hours of the day and can't relate. But here I go anyway.
You know how people can be mean sometimes. But that's kind of expected - people say mean things from time to time.
I say mean things from time to time! We all do. But ever have it where it cuts to the core? It slices a little too sharply? I've decided what it is that makes certain mean things just feel
meaner (I swear they will strip me of my English major yet).
It's when the comment is negative not on what you did, but
who you are.
We can and should handle it when someone calls our actions into question. If your actions or behavior get called selfish, inconsiderate, annoying, gossipy, or rude, those are things that you can kind of solve yourself. Stop doing the things that make you unpleasant. Or at least work on it. That's what I think we all try to do.
But when someone attaches one of those negative words to
who you are, that's another story. I recently experienced this, and I've had quite the time trying to figure out what to do with it. Someone called me a
fake person. And they meant it. A fake person?
You mean like a fake-baker? Ugh. Gross.
I'll give this individual some credit: they told me to my face. That's better than behind someone's back. But what to do when someone calls you a fake? And what does FAKE even mean? A
knockoff?
Insincere? Not
genuine? Or as the French say,
faux?
 |
| Nessie is totally busted. What a fake. |
While I love me a faux hawk here and there, the other words I detest. I really strive to be genuine, sincere, and all that other good stuff. I like to think I present myself like an open book. The problem was a misconception and miscommunication between myself and this person and his/her friends. And it isn't pretty to think about relationships being harmed due to lame judgements and walls being built. I think we're all supposed to love each other, but it doesn't work out that way in a lot of cases.
But what to do now? What to do when your life feels a little too similar to Mean Girls? Write a Burn Book? Nah, I've seen how that one turns out. Do I set out to try and change that individual's mind? Now that seems like it will only fail - once someone slaps a big old FAKE sign to your forehead, anything you do to change that title will just get categorized as
more fake behavior. Seems like kind of a Catch 22 right? But I think that deep down I know what to do.
Let it be. Move on.
Be myself. Try to see what actions of mine made that person say that to me and do my best to grow personally.
Genuinely love that person and others like her/him anyway. Be thankful for the friends and family who see me for who I am. Allow this person and other people who have opinions about me to change their minds in their own time if they want.
Let go of hurt feelings and bitterness, because that will only keep the walls there. It is my job to
hold up my end of the friendship deal, whether it is reciprocated or not.
But I am actually almost thankful for this little experience. It wasn't pleasant, let me tell you.
Still isn't. But it made me ask myself: What other labels do people attach to who you are? What labels do
you assign to other people? Are you holding up your end of the friendship with people like you should? I think I've grown to be a stronger friend and person by having these questions in my head during the last little segment of my life. I've learned a
little bit more about what it means to value being faithful in friendship.
And that is important. Because all this stuff about loving others, friendship, and forgiveness? That stuff is the
real deal.
