One Year Takeaways

When I joined Teach For America I learned about the word "takeaways" and used it often. My managers and supervisors were always asking me things like: "What are your takeaways from your behavior management coaching session?" "What are your takeaways from your first week of teaching?" "What are your takeaways from the webinar on differentiation?" There was so. much. reflecting. When you're on the crazy road of TFA and have to travel along a very fast learning curve, you have to constantly reflect and adjust. Well, it's a habit that I can't quite shake, and so here I am using it for marriage! (Romantic, I know!)

July 12 marked our first anniversary. I love looking at our wedding pictures over and over, reliving the amazing day we had. It really was the best day of my life. I have a vivid memory of my cheeks hurting so badly because I smiled so much. I also remember hardly getting anything from the bar (maybe one glass of wine?) because I was dancing for three hours straight and just chugged water for hydration purposes. My parents threw us a fabulous party. My dream.

It's been one year with my man. Brian has been such a fantastic husband, I could get really gushy, but I'll try to spare you a little bit. All I can say is that I couldn't ask for anyone better. Learning about married life with him has been one of the best adventures of my life.

From time to time, I annoy Brian with these reflection questions and ask for his takeaways for things in life. ("What are your takeaways from Christmas this year?" "What are your thoughts about how this year of teaching went?" "What are your takeaways from that song in church this morning?") Poor guy. He humors me and does his best to answer them. I applied this to marriage and asked him the other day: "What are your takeaways from our first year of marriage?" Like a champ, he came up with great ones to add to my own little list. Here are a few things we learned about being married for one year, from Brian and Anna. I think his are the best ones.

1. Little things matter. (B) Doing dishes, paying the bills, running to the store to get the groceries, wiping down counters, and making the bed seem to be menial things. They end up being the big things. Most of the little things cost very little or no money at all, and end up making the biggest difference to both of us. (Ladies, Brian agreed to do all the dishes whenever I cook the food. Get jealous.)

2. Go to bed angry. (A) I can't take credit for this nugget of wisdom - it was passed along to me at some juncture from someone - but I can't believe how true it is. I understand the heart of intent when someone says: "Don't let the sun go down on your anger." I even believe the biblical reasons for it. I'm going to interpret that to mean "Don't hold a grudge - don't drag out feelings of discontent and bitterness." I am NOT, however, going to interpret that to mean "Work through disagreements at 11:30 pm while drowsy, emotional, and cranky. Delve into the depths of your differing points of view on politics, religion, and relationships when most of the world is entering its second REM cycle." It's just not helpful. But oh my goodness you guys, I feel so much kinder and thoughtful and more forgiving after a full night's sleep. Problems are so much easier after you sleep on them. Our solutions are reached 100 times faster this way.

3. Don't be defensive. (B) Listen to what the other is saying without needing to build up your own case. See the heart of what's going on. Defending something implies that an attack is happening, which means a fight. No need for fights. If I can put it into caveman terms for you: Fights bad. Conversations good.

4. Thou shalt not watch agreed upon TV series without the other. (A) Now, both of us have been guilty of a little Netflix infidelity as of late. Brian totally went ahead on House of Cards, and I recently broke this rule with Orange is the New Black. Honesty is key, though, and we're working through our issues here. Admitting there's a problem is the first step, right?

5. It's really important to eat together. (B) This has been a big one for us. I love being married to a teacher, because he totally gets it. He understands the pace of life, the stressful breakdowns, and the Sunday night blues like only a fellow teacher could. A teacher's life means stretches of chaos and stretches of catch-up and rest. In all the ebbs and flows of busy life, having even 20 minutes of eating and talking together with no screens and no other distractions has become one of the best parts of my day.

6. Always keep dessert in the house. (A) I never knew how important this one was. I think it's a Whartnaby family thing, of which I am now a member, so I guess it's now my thing too! I've never seen the effects of cookies, brownies, and treats work such wonders. It's magical and so simple. Want the recipe for a happy Brian? Just add ice cream.

7. Cuddle a lot. (B) Ha! His tough guy public persona is a goner. Sorry, Brian.

All practicalities aside, I turn to a puddle when I think about how God worked out our story, about how I got this guy placed in my life at just the right time! Life's not perfect, but so far we've been granted a pretty fantastic path. Providence has never seemed so real to me as it does now.

It's been a great year :)

More dessert.