Peace Out

On Friday night, my girl Karley Mae came to my apartment for some downtown shopping, hot-chocolate-sipping, and general soak-up-the-Christmasness-of-the-city fun. I love nights like this because we didn't need a plan, we simply went with it and had an awesome time just doing whatever, buying gifts and trinkets at random stores for others and ourselves. Karley is such a special person to me because she knows me, the real me. It is such a relief for me to be around her.

I was thinking about this yesterday, after she left, and was trying to figure out why I had such a fun time on a Friday night meandering around doing "nothing" with my best friend. It was the best Friday night I've had in awhile. It's not that she is exactly like me, agrees with everything I say, and therefore we get along. She is a completely different person than me. We disagree. We have different strengths, styles, tastes, interests, talents, and personalities. We don't gravitate towards the same things. But somehow we speak the same language. I've got her back, and she's got mine. And when I fumble up my words in an explanation of something I just said, she's right there nodding her head. She gets it.

True friendship. Yes. 

Maybe that's what makes friendship and relationships work. Maybe we don't need to be the same, we just need to be understood. 

I think it was an Oscar Wilde quote that said something about how people just need to be loved, not understood. Well...I slightly disagree. A lot of loving people happens in the pursuit of understanding. Not that you can ever completely understand anyone (that's the fun of continually getting to know anybody), but I think that a big part of loving somebody is committing to patiently working to try anyway. To try to understand. I can immediately think of those people who have patiently put in the time for my sake, and I know without a doubt I can truly be myself around them. The patient people are also the people that I trust. I don't think that's a coincidence. 

I'm one of those personalities that likes to relate to people. This makes meeting new friends and making connections tons of fun and actually really exciting. This also means that, when I'm with someone who understands me already, I have an unbelievable sense of peace that I didn't even know I was missing. It's easy to get hyper, wound-up, and flighty when you're spending your weeks running around and talking to parents of your students, trying to be professional with your bosses and co-workers, and in other situations fresh out of college where you meet new people and need to represent yourself at a new work, church, and life. When all that is taken away and I'm with someone who doesn't need the introductions and first impressions and friendliest version of myself, I realize what a peace that really is, especially at a time in my life when it's hard to feel peaceful about almost anything. It's a huge opportunity to exhale. I think we all want and need people like that. Those people are becoming more and more important to me.

This is something I want to do. I want to allow people to feel this peace to be themselves around me.  I'd like to put in the time to try and understand others on their own terms and let them feel free from the hyper runaround of making a good impression. To feel free to not always make connections and relate and be alike, but to be who they are as an original. To give them a chance to calm down and just be. That's an amazing gift to give someone. I think instead of Starbucks cards, clothes, and books these days, I could stand to invest in giving gifts like that.